


Piece By Piece

by LonelyAquarian



Category: One Direction (Band), liam payne - Fandom, zayn malik - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Anniversary, Arrests, Best Friends, Extramarital Affairs, Fights, First Meetings, Isolation, Loss of Faith, Loss of Trust, M/M, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-06-11 14:58:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15318006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAquarian/pseuds/LonelyAquarian
Summary: After 18 years of marriage to lawyer Harry Styles, Liam is shocked when Harry announces he's ending their marriage and shacking up with Louis Tomlinson. Liam retreats to the house of his best friend Niall, who helps him destroy much of Harry's property, earning him house arrest. While Harry prepares for the trial of a corrupt client, Liam is courted by Zayn Malik, an affectionate moving man who restores Liam’s faith in life and in love, piece by piece.





	1. Diary Entry 1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is taken from one of my favorite movie Dairy of a Mad Black Woman by Tyler Perry and Kelly Clarkson's album Piece by Piece.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Liam, The Stay At Home Husband.

July 17th 2018

  

Dear diary,

  

       My husband of 18 years, Harry Styles, is being honored by the city of London as the BCP International Law Firm Attorney of the Year. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard. If you were to look at us, you would think that we've got it all together. But looks can be deceiving. Some days are good and I think he loves me. Then other days, I think he doesn't care. He is so into appearances. What looks one way on the outside, can be a totally different matter on the inside. I don't know this stranger I sit next to. All I know is that with every dime and every case, he has changed.

       What a way to start our anniversary. After the honor, he dropped me back at the mansion and told me to get out the car. See, I have this gut feeling inside that he’s been cheating on me for a long time, and he hasn’t done anything to kill the idea that he has been cheating on me. Tell me, why do I love that man so much? Maybe if I could stop thinking about how good things used to be, then I might be able to find the strength to leave.

 

Sincerely,

  
Liam


	2. Dairy Entry 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Put out of the house.

July 24th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      I had the worst day ever. It’s our wedding anniversary today, and I decided to make some lunch for my husband today. After I made his lunch, I got ready and left the mansion to take Harry his lunch. When I got there, I ran into two of his co-workers Joey and Olivia. After a few minutes of chatting, I asked Olivia if Harry was in his office. As Olivia was about to answer my question, Harry came out of his office with this guy with feathery hair, carrying a child in his arms.

      I looked at Harry, the guy and the toddler and vice versa. The guy introduced himself to me as Louis, bid my husband farewell and walked out of the office with the kid in his arms. I was pissed. I asked Harry if that Louis guy was the one he was cheating on me with, and all he did was take the lunch I made him and said that he’ll see me at home.

 

      Can our anniversary get any worse than this?

 

Liam

⍟

 

July 24th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

       Well, things got worse.

       I got home after dropping off my husband’s lunch, and I saw this tan skinned man packing away boxes in a moving truck. I immediately got out of the car and asked him what he was doing. He told me: “Dude, look...I'm just filling in for my cousin because he's sick. Somebody named Harry Styles or something like that... rented this truck, told me to load it up and wait. So that's what I'm doing.”

       I was shocked.

       Totally and completely shocked at what I was hearing.

       I asked him if he could wait, because I was just so confused as to what was happening at the moment. Anyway, I went inside the house and went upstairs looking for our maid that Harry wanted so badly. I asked Kimberly what was going on and why was there a man packing all my things in a box. I forgot to tell you that it was my things being packed into that moving truck because I saw my things overflowing from one of the boxes. Anyway, she told me that my husband told her to pack up all of my belongings, and that she was to fill the closet with nicer clothes from all the designers that Harry never wanted me to wear.

       At first, I was taken aback by the news because the racks filled with new clothes looked really cool. They really looked so nice! I mean, I got some clothes from one of his partners who actually gave two shits about me, but I hardly ever wore them as Harry was pissed that I would wear them. I grabbed something off the rack that barely fit me, and waited for Harry to get home.

       Now, I cooked dinner, cleaned myself up by shaving and showering, fixed my hair and got Harry’s present that I had been saving for the last several weeks. I was able to do some little work here and there and I got him a bracelet that was engraved, but whatever. After about serveral hours, Harry came home at around ten, visibly shocked that I was still in the mansion. I greeted him by saying the words “Happy Anniversary”, however, I can see on his face that he was pissed.

       I gave him his gift, and he just stared at the box. I then asked if he was going to open it, but instead of answering my question with a yes or no, I got an answer that I wasn’t really expecting. Louis came into the mansion wearing an overly expensive suit, looking at me as if I had done something to disgust them.

       “Is he wearing one of the outifts that I picked out?” Louis asked Harry.

       Instead of answering Louis’ question, Harry simply told me something that completely blindsided me.

       “There's no easy way to say this... but our marriage has run its course. It's over.”

       I was shocked.

       How can you end something like this so…stupidly?

       I then asked what he was saying because it seemed like a never-ending bad dream.

       He then told me: “Liam, don't act so surprised. I mean, I haven't touched you in a year. I haven't...well... I haven't been happy for years.”

       I just… 18 years, and he just ends it like this?

       I asked him what I was supposed to do without him, and he told me that I am a smart man and that I’ll figure it out because he was sad that he couldn’t spend time with Louis and their three kids.  

       As I was trying to make sense out of what was unfolding in front of my face, I saw his little side piece just rolling his eyes at me saying that I’m nothing but one of those begging losers who can’t keep a man. The more I was trying to talk to Harry, he ignored me and told me that I had to leave. The more we argured, he got more and more irritated until he started to drag me. He then picked me up and literally put me out of the mansion all while his side piece was laughing at me, and then he slammed the door in my face. He put me out of the house, as if I were some common trash.

       I spent the better part of thirty minutes banging on the door, but I got no response from Harry at all. All I did was cry.

       It wasn’t until a few minutes later, I was sitting in the moving truck with the same guy who was packing my things in the back. I was so busy crying that I didn’t even realize that he had been driving me around town for hours.

       “Hey, look... we've been driving around for hours now. I do have another job that I have to be at in a few hours. So there's got to be someplace I can take you.”  I heard him say.

       But where was I going to go? Where the fuck was I going to go?

       “Take me where?” I asked him brokenly. “He has alienated me from my entire family. He made me put my parents in a home bec-- Because they didn't fit into his _"Harry Styles dream."_ I don't have anyplace to go.” I told him.

       “Look man, I'm really sorry to hear about that,” He told me apologetically. “But it's the middle of the night-”

       “Just stop the truck!” I told him angrily.

       “I'm trying to help you out.” He told me, but I wasn’t having it at all, no matter how much he was the innocent one in this situation between the two of us.

       “Just stop the truck!”

       “I'm not stopping the truck.”

       “All you men are just alike! You just think about yourselves!” I told him. “You don't think about anybody else but yourself! Just stop fucking the truck, and I will drive myself where I have to!” I tell him as I reach over and grab the steering wheel. “Pull the truck over!”

       “Hey! Don't grab the wheel!” He told me, trying to prevent an accident. “Hey. Don't touch the wheel. I'm stopping. I'm stopping.” He says pulling over to the side.

       “Then get the fuck out!”

       “We're in the middle of nowhere.” He said to me as he was driving, but I didn’t give two shits at that moment. “I don't care! Get out of the car! I'll drive myself!”

       Then he told me something that I wasn’t expecting.

       “You know what? Now I see why you're going through... what you're going through.” He said as he got out of the truck.

       “Oh, you go to hell!” I told him as I moved over to the driver’s side.

       “Have a nice life.” He told me as I sped off. “Yeah, you're welcome!” He yelled out as I drove away.

       Fortunately for me, I was able to get to my best friend’s house in one piece. I knocked on the door, and my friend Niall opened the door, clutching his gun.

       “Don't shoot! It's Liam, your best friend!” I told him as I was cowering in fear. “Don't shoot!”

       “What the hell? Dude! I always open the door this time of night shooting... 'cause there ain't nothing but a crackhead... or the police knocking on your door this time of night. What you doing here this late?” He asked me.

       “I was in the neighborhood and-”

       “You were in the neighborhood?” He said to me, not believing a word out of my mouth. Thank goodness he could read through my emotions.

       “I thought I'd come by and say hi.” I told him.

       “You live in a mansion on the other side of town. What the hell you doing in this part of town? You ain't on that stuff, are you?” He asked me, completely worried at this point as he takes a good look at me. “Are you over here trying to buy some stuff?”

       “I missed you.” I told him, and even though that was true, it wasn’t the whole truth as to why I dropped by his house.

       “Come by in the daylight here. Don't come by-”

       “Niall, please.” I begged him.

       He sighs, but nonetheless, he gave me a sad smile and let me enter his house.

       At least I still have someone in my life who’s nearby and still cares about me.

 

Sincerely,

Liam, With A Broken Heart


	3. Settling The Score

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall Happily Stirs Up Some Trouble.

“Get up, Li.” Niall says as he gently shakes Liam.

Liam gets up.

“Morning. Ni.”

“Are you hungry?” He asked his friend, who’s face had traces of tears on his cheeks, aside from the puffy red eyes.

“I can’t eat anything.” Liam said to his friend as he shook his head, looking anywhere but his friend.

“Come on, Li. You need to eat something.”

Liam relents as he sees the worried look on his friend’s face.

⍟

As Niall was eating the food that he cooked up, he noticed that Liam barely ate a thing.

“Liam?”

Liam looked up.

“I um- please don’t be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad?”

Niall put his fork down and set it next to his plate.

“Well, I called Harry this morning, and he told me, before he hung up, that you and him are getting a divorce. But what I can't seem to figure out is why you here.”

Liam took a deep breath.

“He put me out of the house.” Liam admitted, and Niall got pissed.

“Who’s house?” Niall asked, wondering if he heard his best friend correctly.

“Our house.” Liam said in a hard voice.

“Exactly!” Niall said pounding on his table. “How the fuck is a man going to put his faithful husband out of his own house?! He might've put me out, but he was going to put me out of half. I'm gonna go in the other half of the house. He wasn't putting me out of all of it!”

“The house is in his name, Niall.”

“Lord have mercy! That's how women get messed up. Too busy out shopping when you need to be checking the deed. Whoo! That makes me mad as fuck!”

“I don't have any rights to the money.”

“No rights?” A confused Niall asked.

“I signed a prenup.” Liam admitted.

Now Niall is truly pissed off at his friend.

“What the hell you sign a prenup-- I ought to punch you in the fucking face! Who the hell told you to sign a prenup? He didn't have shit when you married him! You had some money when you were a waiter at your cousin’s restaurant that supported your so called good-husband when he went to law school!”

“Harry always knew he'd be successful. And he said to _me "l want to know that you're here for love."_ So it's his money.”

“Is it?” Niall challenged.

Liam could tell that his best friend was up to something.

“What were you doing while he was working, Liam?”

“Taking care of the house, cooking and cleaning.”

“Exactly. That sounds like a job to me. Cooking and cleaning-- how long you do that?”

“18 long ass years.”

“All right. OK. 18 years... Let's see how much he owes you.” Niall says as he walks over to his utility drawer and pulled out a calculator before sitting back down across from Liam. “18 years... You've been cooking, cleaning, having sex with him when he wanted.”

He looks up at Liam.

“Forgive me for sounding to forward or anything, but was it good?”

“No.” Liam said as he shuddered in disgust.

“Major deduction!” Niall said as he was starting to type in random numbers.

“And I didn't tell you that he hit me.”

Niall looked up and look like he wanted to kill someone.

“That motherfuc- You know what?” Niall said as he got up from his chair. “You need to get your motherfucking money.”

“That’ll never happen.” A dejected Liam said.

“You want to bet?” Niall asked as he pulled out a gun from one of his cupboards. “It happen one of two ways, Lili. You can get it from his checking account voluntarily, or his insurance policy.  If you want, this can also involve involuntary manslaughter. Which one it's gonna be?”

“Niall-”

“Mm-mm.” Niall said as he shook his head in anger. “I ain't gonna have this. Come on.”

“What?” A confused Liam asked. “Where are we going?”

“To your motherfucking house.”

“Oh, no. The guard will never let us in.” Liam says as he picked up his fork, getting ready to eat.

“I said come on!” Niall said as he grabbed his best friend’s arm.

⍟

As they got to the compound where Liam used to live, he drove straight through the gate, causing the security guard to shout “Mayday.”

“Mayday my ass, you fucking prick!” Niall yelled back to the guard.

A moment later, Niall and Liam stepped out of the car and walked up to the door. As Liam was looking for the spare key that he hid in one of the flower pots, Niall simply shot the locks and entered the mansion. Liam was shocked, but he followed nonetheless, and the led Niall upstairs.

“Lord have mercy.” Niall said as he looked around in Liam’s former closet. “Get your stuff.”

Liam is simply stunned as there are more clothes in the closet now than he had seen the day before.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Aren’t these your clothes?”

“There his.”

“Oh, they're his?” Niall questioned, even though it came out as a statement.

He walked up to one of the racks.

“Who is, uh... "Abasi Rosborough?" Niall asked as grabbed a arc fitted jacket from the rack.

“A designer.” Liam answered as he was going through one of the drawers for any

“Oh, he’s a label whore.” Niall responded as he caught the price on the tag, and his eye’s widened. “$1,019 for this fucking piece of rag?!”

He took the jacket off the hanger, ripped it and started to wipe the material over the nearest mirror he could find.

“Just a fucking, piece of shit rag!”

“Niall, no, no, no.” Liam says to Niall. “Don't do that.”

Niall dropped the torn up jacket, and turned to his best friend.

“This man left you... for some old gold digging fuck boy.” Niall said ripping off all the clothes off the racks.

Liam just stood there and watched as his best friend was creating a mess.

“Rip it.” Niall tells me a few minutes later as he hands me an article of clothing that was somewhat pristine.

“Rip it?” Liam asked him.

“Rip it.” Niall repeats. “It’ll make you feel better.”

Liam smiles as he takes the piece of clothing and rips it.

After Liam rips it, they continue to rip the other pieces of clothing, as Niall screams “This is for every good woman and man, who ever had a problem with a trashy, piece of shit woman or man!”

They continue to destroy the clothes in the closet until both men stop and catch their breath.

“OK. I'm gonna go down to the office. I forgot some things.” Liam says.

“OK...you go down in the office... because you forgot something. Find me some whiskey or something. And bring me some oxygen!” Niall yells after Liam as he’s going downstairs.

⍟

“What the--who are you?” Louis asked a laughing Niall who’s still ripping up the expensive clothes.

“Who are you?” Niall sasses back.

“I'm the owner of this house.”

“Wrong fucking answer. My best friend Liam is the owner of this house, you fucking piece of shit. You're the ho. You’ve got no power or no deed.”

“Did you do this?” Louis asked as he looked around the room and picked up a shirt. “This is Marc Jacobs.”

“Who that is? Does he do renovations? If so, I need to get his number because I need to get my garage done.” Niall asks without a care in the world.

“That's it! I'm calling the police!”

“I'm not scared of the fucking police. They know me.” Niall said. “Call the police, ho. Call the police, you dumb whore!”

“If I call the police, they're gonna be here in ten minutes.”

“OK. Then that leaves me nine to beat the hell out of you.”

“You think?”

“I know tae kwon do.”

“And I know whoop your ass.” Niall says as he stands up from where he was sitting at. “Come on. Bring it on. You don't know me. I'm from a place that would scare you’re scrawny, skinny ass!”

“Come on!”

“What the hell is your problem?” Harry yelled from downstairs.

“Come on!” Louis yelled again.

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up!” Niall snapped at Louis.

He hears Harry yelling at Liam, and threatening him.

“Oh, hell no! Watch out!” Niall yelled as he slapped Louis upside his head.

“Yeah, you keep running!” Louis yelled after him.

When Niall got to the office, he saw one of Harry’s hands around Liam’s throat.

“Oh, please do it. Please choke him. Please! I want to see you do it!” Niall said pointing his gun at Harry, causing Harry to step back from Liam. “What the hell's wrong with you? Here, now, you fucking bastard. Put your hands on him. I dare you!”

“Oh, my God! Don't hurt him!” Louis begged as he ran up towards Harry.

“Oh, I'm not gonna hurt him. I'm gonna kill him. Putting his fucking, dirty ass hand on my best friend. Who the fuck does he think he is?” Niall yelled as Liam started to walk towards him.

“I'm calling the police.” Louis says.

“You call the police, so they can see how you abused hit Liam!”

“No, just get out.” Harry said in a harsh voice.

“Harry, I have been nothing but a good man and faithful husband to you. I don't deserve this.” Liam told him. “You will reap what you sow.”

Harry simply snorted and gave Liam a dirty look while Louis rolled his eyes at him.

“Keep your money.” Liam said as he threw a thick stack of money in Harry’s face.

“You are crazy as hell.” Niall said as he picked up some of the money up from the ground.

“Just leave it.”

“I might leave some of it.” Niall said as he pocketed a good amount of money and put it in his pocket.

“It was this that made you the evil bastard that you are.” Liam told Harry, referring to the money.  
  
“Get out.” Harry told Liam and Niall as he wrapped his arms around Louis. 

“Here, now, the way I see it, half of everything in this house belongs to Liam, and I ain't leaving here until he get it.” Niall told him.

“It’s too bad that he'll never see it.”

“What did he say?” Niall asked in a dangerous tone.

“Come on, Niall. Let's go.”

“That's right. Go.” Louis said.

“Give me 5 minutes with that gold digger in the backyard, please.” Niall told Liam.

“Niall, let's go.” Liam said.

“OK.” Niall said as he nodded his head giving Harry and Louis a dirty look. “Oh, yeah. I'm leaving.”

As he and Liam were leaving the office, Liam walked up to Louis.

“It's just a matter of time before he does the same thing to you.” Liam told him before he walked away.

“Never. I could never be you. I'm a man who knows how to get and keep his man!” Louis yelled.

Suddenly, the sound of a chainsaw was buzzing.

“What's that?” Harry asked.

Hand in hand, he and Louis ran out of the office and stopped when they got to the living room with Niall clutching a chainsaw.

“Niall-” Liam started, but Niall interrupted him.

“Half of everything in here belongs to Liam. Which half do you want? Do you want this half?” Niall asked as he was hovering the chainsaw over one side of the couch. “Or do you want this half?” Niall asked once more as he was hovering the chainsaw over the other side of the couch.

“Niall.” Liam tried once more, but to no avail as Niall started to saw the couch directly in the middle of the couch. 

Everyone is in shock as Niall is just laughing and sawing the couch in half.


	4. Smart Mouths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Choice of Words.

“Your Honor, case number 456790-- the People versus Niall Horan and Liam Payne.” The courtroom clerk said as the bailiff brought in Niall and Liam. 

Niall was trying to hide behind Liam.

“Criminal trespassing, reckless endangerment, criminal possession of a handgun, assault with a deadly weapon…”

“Slow down, dammit! What are you walking so fast for?” Niall asked as Liam was walking in front of him.

“Suspended license, expired registration, reckless driving, and a broken taillight.”

“Dude, I know that ain't who I think it is.”

“I know you didn't say Niall Horan.” Judge Cowell said. “Niall?”

“How are you doing, Judge Cowell?” Niall said as he was trying to act innocent while Judge Simon Cowell was glaring at him. “It's good to see you. Your hair is pretty hot, man. Look at you. You're looking good. How you been?”

“You're still at it, Horan?” Judge Cowell asked in complete boredom.

“This ain't even my fault. What had happened was--”

“Save it! Who's here for the defense?”

“Doniya Malik here on behalf of Mr. Payne and Mr. Horan, your Honor.” A woman says as she entered the courtroom.

“Doniya.” Judge Cowell greeted.

“How you doing, Judge Simon?”

“Doniya, I'm getting tired of seeing your friend.”

“And I'm tired of seeing you.” Niall sassed loudly.

Liam tried not to laugh as Judge Cowell glared at Niall once more.

“It won't happen again.” Doniya said.

“Yeah, I bet!” Judge Simon said.

“Bail is set at $5,000 for Mister Payne - property or cash.”

“Ok.” Liam said wondering how he’s going to earn that amount of money.

“But as for you, Naill,” Judge Cowell said, pointing directly at him. “I'm placing you under house arrest.”

“House arrest?” Niall snorted. “You ain't putting me on no house arrest, old man. I ain't going to deal with that.”

“Niall.” Doniya warned.

“It's either that or prison. What's your choice?” Judge Cowell said as he lifted his gavel.

“I'll take the house arrest.” Niall said begrudgingly.

“Thank you, your Honor.” Doniya said as she led both men out of the courtroom.

“Bailiff, call the next case.”

⍟

A party is currently talking place at Niall’s house for his brother's birthday, and everyone is in the front yard dancing and drinking in the front yard.

“Doniya, I know that we just met, but can you please handle my divorce?” Liam asked.

“You don't even have to ask.” Doniya said earnestly.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for a friend of Niall’s.”

Liam sighed.

“You want to talk about it?”

They both grabbed a drink and sat at a bench near the front porch.

“I always thought that if I did all I could, God would bless my marriage.” A sad Liam said.  

“It takes a lot more than you doing all you can. And who's to say that this is not your blessing?” Doniya said. “You know, sometimes we hold onto the things, that Allah himself is trying to tear away. It's not that easy. You know women. We love hard.”

“And men don't?” A confused Liam asked.

“Not like a woman.”

“I don't know if I agree with that. We don't love as easy... but when we love, we love just as hard. You don't see all men getting themselves in situations like mine.”

“The father of my kids is a junkie and I love him.”

“Shit. That's a tough situation.” Liam says.

“Yeah.” Doniya says. “I look at Yasmeen….. she is so much like her father. She wants to sing. I can't let her do that.”

“I don’t know your husband, but I’m pretty sure that she's not like him.”

“Tell that to my heart.”

Both Doniya and Liam sigh.

Suddenly, a tan guy that Liam recognizes comes to the party.

A tan guy with golden eyes that he kicked out of a moving truck.

“Zayn!” Doniya greets as she bolts from the bench, hugging her brother. “So baby brother, what's going on, kid?”

“Doniya, how’s it going?” Zayn asks. “And where’s Niall?”

“Niall’s got it smelling real right around here.” Niall answered as he brought out more turkey burgers and hot dogs for the grill.”

“That's my deal, man.” Niall says as he puts the meat on the side of the grill and gives Zayn a big hug. “That's my deal.”

“Cool.”

“Hey, I want to introduce you to somebody.” Niall says as he takes Zayn’s hand and walk towards Liam.

“This is my best friend, Liam. Liam, this is Zayn, my God brother.”

It's dead silent and very awkward.

Liam stares at Zayn.

Zayn stares back at him.

“Did I miss something?” Niall asks breaking the tension.

“You two know each other?” Doniya asks.

“This is the sweet, handsome young man, that threw me out of a moving truck.” Zayn says.

“What?!” Doniya asks in shock.

“This is the crazy man—” Niall starts.  

“That's him.” Zayn says without missing a beat.

“This town is too small.” Liam says.

“I think you owe me an apology.”  

“I don't owe you anything.”

“I was just trying to help you out the other night.” Zayn said.

“Oh, yeah, right. You're no good Samaritan. He paid it. It's not like you're some savior or something.” Liam said in total anger.

“I'm gonna go... check--do something.” Niall said awkwardly.

“I’m right behind you.” Doniya said as they walked away.

Suddenly, it’s just Liam and Zayn.

“Just another bitter man, huh?”

“Excuse me?” A pissed off Liam asked.

“I called you bitter, because now every man you meet... is gonna have to pay for what _he_ did to you.”

“You don't know anything about me!”

“I know I watched a sorry excuse for a man drag you out of a house, and treat you like dirt.”

Liam threw his drink in Zayn’s face.

“Now there's another story you can tell my friend.” Liam says. “And I'm not bitter. I'm mad as hell!” He says as he storms away from Zayn.

⍟

“Here.” Liam says as he handed the tan guy a rag and a new shirt about half an hour later. “Use this rag and take this shirt.”

“What's this, your way of apologizing?” The tan guy asked. “Because if it is, I'm not accepting it.”

Liam sighs internally, feeling guilty.

“I'm sorry, mister.” He says walking away.

“Hey, hey.”

Liam stops walking and faced him.

“My name's Zayn.”

“Zayn.” Liam said nodding his head.

Little did they know, Niall was watching their exchange, smiling a bit.

“Dan, put some music on. Something we can dance to. You got it. Let's turn this party up. Y'all, come on. Dance. Come on. Everybody come on. Come on, Liam. You and Zayn. Come on, Zaynie. Come on.” Niall said. 

⍟

 

August 7th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      I look out at Niall and his family and friends having fun and laughing, and everything in me is screaming for help. How do I get to that place?

 

      How?

 

Sincerely,

 

A Confused Liam


	5. Secrets And Jobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Glimpse Into Harry's Past, And Liam's Job Hunting

It the middle of the night, and Louis is cuddled into Harry's side when the phone rings. After a moment, Harry answers the phone.

"Hello?" Harry says groggily.

"Harry, this is Steve." The guy on the other side of the phone says and Harry gently pushes Louis away so that he can sit up against the headboard of the bed.

"What is it, Steve?" An annoyed Harry asks.

"Man, I need to talk to you."

"You know what time it is?!"

"I don't really care what time it is. I got a situation. We need to talk now. It went bad." Steve rambled in short sentences.

"What are you talking about?" A bored Harry asks him.

"I shot him."

"Who?"

"Some cop undercover who was trying to sting me."

"What does that got to do with me?" Harry asks clearly not giving a damn about his friend's situation.

"Harry, I need a lawyer and a judge."

"I'll meet you at the abandoned warehouse in half an hour." Harry says before he hangs up.

⍟

"Now, there is over a million dollars in that bag." Steve says to Harry in the warehouse indicating to the bag near their feet. "That ought to buy me both, right?"

"Look, I'm a legitimate defense attorney and I would advise you not to try and bribe the jury or a judge."

"Look, man, I'm hot!" I don't have time for all this legal stuff, man."

"OK, look, you know I don't deal with your kind anymore." Harry says in a condesending tone.

" _My kind?_ " Steve repeats. "Brother, before you started, defending all these rich ass people, it was my kind that got you down. And don't forget that your husband helped you to get to where you are now."

"I'm going home."

"Home?" Steve said darkly as he walked towards Harry. "Oh, how quickly we forget. I ran so much coke for you back in the day when you were trying to get into law school before you met your husband."

Harry glared at him.

"Now look here. I need you, like you needed me, back in the day to get all you got."

"No. What you need is a lawyer, and not to ever call my house again." Harry said dismissing the man.

"You are my lawyer. You know where to find me." Steve said before he left the warehouse.

⍟

"Lord, Jesus. All of this calamity in the world. But I tell-- The paper's sad. It's really sad." Niall says as he is finished reading his newspaper. "Here."

"What?" Liam says.

"You need a job."

"You're right, Niall, but I don't-- I don't know how to do anything." Liam sighs sadly.

"Come on, Liam, I know it's not easy, but you got to get out there and try."

"I have tried. I just haven't told you. I've had dozens of job interviews since the day after our ruling from Judge Cowell. No one wants me. I need something to do with my life. I never think of myself as young, dumb and broke but everyone else does. Maybe I am old - old and useless and terrified!" Liam says as he walks towards the spare bedroom he's in.

Niall follows him and find Liam in the bed with his face in the pillows.

"Oh, Liam." Niall says as he sits on the bed. "Liam, now why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

Liam lifts his head from the pillow and finally faces his friend.

"Because you can't help me find a job. Because nobody or nothing can make me young again."

"Oh, all right, Liam, so your life isn't the same as it used to be. The rules have changed, but it's happened before, hasn't it?"

"I guess."

"What did you do the next day when you had to start putting your life together?"

"I couldn't do it. I'd been a house husband for 18 years. I totally depended on Harry."

"But the point is, eventually you did what you had to do. You immediately came here after Harry put you out of that house, didn't you? You took care of yourself. Mate, you're now in exactly the same position." Niall pointed out.

"Not exactly! I'm eighteen years older and nobody wants me around."  Liam countered as he hid his face in his pillow once more.

"Liam, Liam, look at me." Niall said, and Liam looked at him. "Liam, listen. You are feeling sorry for yourself. Sure, you're eighteen years older - so am I, so is Harry. All right, you have a few more wrinkles - so do I, so has Harry. All right, you're a little thicker around the middle - so is Harry!"

Liam snickers at the last one.

"Listen, I am not going to stand by and just let you give up. We're gonna figure out what it is you're doing wrong on these interviews. We're gonna fix it, and we're gonna try and get you some more appointments."

"Appointments are the easy part. I've got one tomorrow. I'd kill for this job - sales associate at a pet store - but I'll never get it. I'm not qualified. I'm too old." Liam says.

"What time is your appointment?" Niall says.

"8:30 in the morning.

"All right, let me see your resume."

Liam gets off the bed and grabs his resume.

"Come on, come on, come on." Niall cheers.

Liam hands Niall his resume.

"OK, now, let's see. Let's see. History major at University of Oxford, waitor at Payne's Cooking. Hobbies - jam making, stamp collecting, and watching The History Channel?"

Liam smiles as he nods his head.

"Liam, this this kind of sucks."

"Well, it's the truth."

"Mate, sometimes you have to stretch the truth." Niall says as he grabs a piece of paper from the nearby notebook on the nightstand. "Now, let's see.... What can we put here? Maybe you can say that you graduated top of your class, intensive post-graduate study, until you moved to Bradford. Currently seeking work in the private sector." Niall finishes as he wrote down the notes on a piece of paper. "Voilà. This is the resume of a potential sales associate."

"Well, I don't know if I can pull it off, but I'm willing to try." Liam says as he looks at the notes.

"That's all you have to do. I never hurts to try." Niall says. "Now, let's go fix your resume and print it out."

⍟

The next day, Niall is sitting at the table drinking a bottle of beer when the sound of a car is turned off in the driveway.

"Hi, Niall!" Liam says happily as he entered Niall house.

"Oh, hi there!" Niall says noticing his friend's new demeanor. "Hey, am I to assume from your cheerful demeanor that I am currently talking to a new sales associate at the local pet shop?"

"Not even close!"

"Oh, what did you do, take an anti-depressant?" 

"Oh, don't be silly. But I was depressed - incredibly depressed." Liam said as he sat at the table with his friend. "I didn't know which way to turn or where to go, so I stopped in at the coffee shop at the De Vine Restaurant and Coffee Bar for a cup of coffee to make me feel better. They make the most terrific coffee anywhere. They have that old fashioned coffee-"

"Liam, I love you but get off the float. Just get to the point."

"Well, after I drank it, I started to get sad again, and then I saw the answer right in front of me."

"What, what?"

"A _"Help Wanted"_ sign."

"And, and?"

"I am a waitor at the De Vine Restaurant and Coffee Bar! It's minimum wage and tips, and a 60% employee discount on day-old panini."

"A restaurant/coffee bar? Day-old panini?"

"Yeah!"

"So, you'll be serving panini and salads to a bunch of grouchy people?"

"Oh, come on, Niall. I mean, the worst that can happen is I'll get scratched by a pinkie ring. And at least I didn't score a part-time job that involved selling cocaine."

"But 12 hours on your feet waiting tables? Liam, that is gritty, grimy, grueling work!"

"But it's work! It beats the hell out of feeling sorry for myself, and it'll be a lot nicer to fall asleep from being tired than crying."

And with that, Niall concedes as he now sees Liam's point of view. Besides, he's really happy for his friend.

"Of course it will. Oh, Liam, mate. Liam, I am so happy for you." Niall says as he moves towards Liam and hugs him.

"Oh, thank you for seeing me through this."

"Anytime, mate."


	6. More Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Is Desperate.

"Let me tell you something, boss." An angry Steve said to Harry and his assistant, Asher. "I paid you a lot of money, and that judge, he ain't down."

"The judge had no choice, but to allow the videotape into evidence." Asher said.

Steve huffed as Harry agreed with his assistant.

"I told you to make this go away. Say it wasn't me, I wasn't there." 

"How the hell do you use self-defense? You're on videotape. And it will be very hard to explain you not being there at the time of the murder. Self-defense is our only option." Harry told him.

"Then put me on the stand. I'll say it wasn't me." Steve said impatiently.

Harry scoffed.

"Then all your priors come into play." Harry told him.

"Look, Mr. Jackson, you have to let us work here."

"Look, man, you can get me off, make this go away." Steve told him.

"Look, I said I would do all I can."

"Well, that better be a hell of a lot, brother. Or I will do all I can." Steve threatened.

"Wait a minute. Are you threatening-"

"Ain't nobody care about you." Steve told Asher before he continued to speak to Harry."I done paid you a lot of money."

"You know how it is on the streets, Steve." Harry told him.

"Harry don't do what he says." Asher told him.

"However you and your mates settle your disputes, this has to play out in court." Harry said.

"If I go down, man- If I go down?" Steve said, now losing his patience.

"Steve, walk away. Walk away."

Steve huffed in anger.

"Don't let this suit fool you, Harry."

Harry paused.

"I don't take too kindly to threats, Mr. Jackson." Harry responded quickly.

"And I don't make idle threats, Mr. Styles. I better get off."

Asher looked at Steve as he walked off with Harry being unfazed.


	7. Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam Meets Zayn.... Again

It’s another day at the restaurant/coffee bar and Liam is busy with the customers. He is just finishing with another customer when he goes to another table, not even looking at the familiar guy as his nose is in the notepad that he's using. 

“Hi. Can I get your order?” Liam says.  
  
The customer simply looks at Liam.

“Hi.”

Liam finally looks up from his notepad.

It’s Zayn.

Liam huffed in annoyance.

“OK, I'm gonna kill Niall.” An irritated Liam says as he lowered his notepad. “Did he tell you I work here?”

“Hey, easy. Easy.” Zayn says, smiling at Liam. “A man's got to eat, right?”

Liam simply lifts his notepad.

“What can I get for you?” Liam asks him, ignoring the question that Zayn asked him.

“How about a coffee and a number four?” Zayn asks, knowing good and well that the establishment doesn't carry number fours.

“We don't have number fours in this restaurant.” 

“OK. How about just a coffee?”

“Coffee.” Liam says as he writes down Zayn’s order in his notepad. “OK.”

“I like the new haircut... a lot.” Zayn says  with a smile on his face. 

“Thank you.” Liam says, trying to tame his clean quiff.

As he starts walking away, he trips over a leg from one of the chairs, causing Zayn to chuckle.

⍟

 

September 20th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      Today was a bad day. I got up and went to church before work because I was so angry. When I think about all the blood and sweat and tears I put into my marriage it makes me want to _**hate**_ him.

 

Sincerely,

 

Liam

 

 **PS:** I saw Zayn yesterday. What is his game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry It's A Short Chapter Y'all!!! I'll Post The Next One In A Couple Of Days To Make Up For It!


	8. Truly, Madly, Deeply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Unofficial Date

September 22th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      It's taking a while, but I'm beginning to find my way. It's been close to three months... and every day gets a little easier. Even though we're still battling Harry in court... I don't even give it that much energy anymore. I don't understand this, but it's strange how little can be so much when you're happy. I find myself smiling and laughing more than I ever have. I find myself.... Wait a minute. That's it! I'm finding myself! It's nights like this I wish I had a car when I look outside the window... or kept that U-Haul truck a few more days.

 

Sincerely,

 

A Carless Liam.

⍟

As Liam is still waiting at the bus stop in the pouring rain, a sleek gray car pulls up on the side of the curb.

"What th-" Liam says to himself as the window from the passenger's side starts going down.

"Hey." Zayn says. "Niall asked me to pick you up tonight."

"He did?" Liam asks. "No, thanks."

"All right, but you know, the next bus doesn't come for at least an hour."

"I'll be fine."

"Why are you being so mean, _dude_?"

"Why are you being so nice, _man_?"

"You know, there are still a few of us nice guys around." Zayn tells him.

Liam stands still without a respnse.

"All right. Suit yourself." Zayn says.

Liam is still not responding.

"Come on, now. This makes no sense."

Now it starts raining even harder than ever, and Liam looks up at the dark sky.

"You'll take me straight home?"

"I'll take you wherever you want to go." Zayn says. "Just get in the car. Come on."

Liam closes his umbrella and gets into the car.

"You all right?"

"Yeah." Liam says.

Zayn starts driving.

"This is some weather, huh?" Zayn asks a few minutes later.

Liam doesn't respond.

"Hey, you know what? I'm kind of hungry. You want to stop and have some dinner?"

"I have food at home."

"I was thinking you might like... a nice little salmon dinner at one of my favorite spots."

"Where is that?" Liam asks. "McDonald's?"

Zayn only chuckles.

"Actually, it's a little jazz bar called Monroe's."

Liam is stunned and surprised. Monroe's was his favorite place to eat as well, but he wasn't expecting that Monroe's would be Zayn's favorite restaurant.

"I love that place."

"There you go." Zayn says happily. "All right. So? Are we going?"

"I can't afford Monroe's." Liam says regrettably.

"No, no, no, no. I got it."

"You got it?"

" Yeah, I got it."

"And what do you do? Because I don't hang with drug dealers." Liam stated, not caring that he sounded rude.

"I work twelve hours a day at Devereaux's Museum, all right?" Zayn says. "I got the bill."

"Yeah.... well, this is not a date."

"Yes, sir."

⍟

During the middle of their meal, Zayn stops eating and simply stares at Liam who's eating his seafood alfredo. Moments later, he looks up and sees that Zayn is staring at him in a way that he can't describe.

"What are you looking at?" Liam asks subconsciously.

"A beautiful man."

Liam feels his cheeks heat up.

"Is that all you see when you look at me?"

"No. No, not at all." Zayn says as he picks his drink up from the table.

Liam tilts his head to the side as he watched Zayn take a big sip from his drink.

"I also see a man who's been hurt a lot and he's taught himself how to be tough, real tough. But, you know, the key is to be tough, not hard."

"And how would you know what the key is?"

"Because I had to learn it, too."

"Is that what you tell all your women?" Liam asks.

"I don't have women or men." Zayn told Liam. "I had a very bad breakup last year. And I guess you could say I've... I've been happily single ever since."

Liam sighed.

"Well, I guess we've both had bad breakups, then."

Zayn doesn't answer.

"Hello. Welcome to Monroe's." A woman who looks like Jessica Rabbit says into the microphone. "I'm Monroe Carey. This one is one of my favorites and it's also for the new couples here for the very first time tonight."

 _I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy_  
_I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need_  
_I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do_  
_I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning_  
_A reason for living_  
_A deeper meaning_

"So, what did you do?" Liam asked.

"What?" Zayn asked, baffled at Liam's question.

"Well, men always do something. Did her looks change? Did you grow tired of her?"

Zayn chuckled.

"First off, I was with a man." Zayn corrected. "And to answer your question, no. Dylan decided that he wanted a pro ball player. He had a lot more money than I had."

"I'm sorry." Liam genuinely told him.

"It's not a big deal."

It's quiet between the two men as the Monroe is singing in the background.

"I'm not very good at it, but dance with me." Zayn told him.

"No." Liam said, even though something in his body was telling otherwise. "I'm in my uniform."

 _And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,_  
_I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry_  
_The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty_  
_That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of_  
_The highest power, in lonely hours, the tears devour you_

"So what? Who cares?" Zayn said as he stood up with his hand out for Liam to taked.

Liam decides to just go with the flow, and he stands up from his seat, taking Zayn's hand.

The start slow dancing.

"Look at me." Zayn says softly.

Liam shakes his head.

"Come on."

Liam looks at Zayn in the eyes.

"Am I holding you too tight?"

"It's ok." Liam tells him.

As they continue to dance, Zayn says something that Liam didn't expect.

"You know, this feels like a fairy tale."

Liam is shocked, but in a good way.

"Well, what do you mean?" Liam asks him in a quiet voice.

"Just me holding you like this." Zayn told him. "I used to believe in fairy tales, but... I don't anymore."

 _I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy_  
_I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need_  
_I'll love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do_

 _I want to stand with you on a mountain_  
_I want to bathe with you in the sea_  
_I want to lay like this forever_  
_Until the sky falls down on me_

"I've never been this close to any man other than my husband-- my ex-husband. Harry--that's his name. He was supposed to be my fairy tale." Liam said as they were dancing. "He was my first and my only."

Monroe stops singing, and the people in the restaurant start clapping as Liam and Zayn as still wrapped up in each others arms.

**⍟**

"Here it is."

"Thank you." Liam said.

"You're welcome." Zayn said as he parked in front of Niall's house." You know, I'd like to see you again, if that's all right."

"Zayn, I'm just getting out of a relationship and--"

"You know, it's so easy to say no sometimes out of fear. So how about just taking the hard road and saying yes? Just this one time. I mean, what's so wrong about being friends?"

"Nothing, I guess." Liam says.

He took a moment to think about it. Was there anything wrong with being friends?

"Yeah. Nothing." Liam confirmed.  
  
"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"So, you're asking me out again?"

"This wasn't a date, remember?" Zayn told him, which for some reason crushed Liam's feelings.

"OK, I'll see you tomorrow."

"There you go. I'll see you tomorrow."

At this moment it time, Liam was having trouble with the handle to exit the car.

"You got it?"

"I'm trapped."

"I got it." Zayn said. He simply unlocked the door and pulled on the handle which opened the door.

Liam face palmed himself, causing Zayn to chuckle.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"OK."

"Good night."

"Good night." Zayn said.

"Night." Liam said as he stepped out of the car and closed the door.

The looked at each other for a moment before Zayn pulled away from the curb.

As soon as the tail lights were out of Liam's view, he went inside the house.

"So, where were you?" Niall asked. "You couldn't even call and say that you were gonna be late? You're lucky my date cancelled tonight."

"No where special."

"Then why are you smiling like an idiot?" Niall teases.

"Because."

_"Because?"_

"Because." Liam repeats. "Now, I'm going to my room and write in my diary."

"Without eating?"

"I already ate."

"Wha-"

"Night, Niall!" A giddy Liam said as he rushed off to the room that he's occupying.

"Crazy kid." Niall said with a smile on his face as he shook his head at his best friend.

**⍟**

September 22th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      Zayn is.... this man is fucking fine! When we were dancing at Monroe's he was holding me in a way that I love to be held. How does he know I like to be held like that? Lord knows, I wanted to say, _"Yes. Back the hell up"_ when he asked me if he was holding me too tight, but he felt so good. Dear Jesus, please don't let this man let me go. If he ever does let me go, I would probably lose my damn mind. And he smells so good. I wanted to ask him what's the catch when he was doing and saying all those things. I even pleaded with God to let Zayn say something stupid, like all men do at this time, but he didn't. When he said _"You know, this feels like a fairy tale"_ I was truly in shock, and I wanted to yell out _"No, he didn't!"_ That was precisely the right thing that I wanted someone to tell me, and he did just that because believe me, Harry never said anything right to me. I used to believe in fairy tales myself, but I don't know if I do anymore. I meant it when I said that I've never been that close to any man but Harry. He was supposed to be my fairy tale. He was my first and my only. Now that the fairy tale between Harry and I is done, maybe I can create my own happy ever after with someone else. Can Zayn be the one?"

 

Sincerely,

 

A Happy Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... More Ziam Dates Or Nah...?


	9. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam Seeks Guidance

A few days later, Liam visits his parents at a retirement home, bringing them a bag of goodies.

"Thank you for waiting, sir. Your parents are in the game room."

"Thanks you." Liam tells the receptionist.

He makes his way over the the game room where he spots his parents.

"Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad."

His parents look up from the board game that they were playing with a few others.

"Hi." His mother says immediately getting up and hugging him.

"What brings you by?" His father asks as he joins in on the hug.

"I brought you some things." Liam tells them.

"Let's go to our room." His mother says.

They go to their room.

"Hey, baby. How you doing?" Karen asks her son.

"Oh. I'm doing OK." Liam says. "Yeah."

"They talked to me about the bill here yesterday." Geoff says. "They call you?"

"Yes. I'm gonna get that paid."

Karen looks at her son with uncertainty.

"You know Harry didn't care anything about us." Geoff told his son. "What makes you think he's gonna pay it?"

Liam was going to resopnd but he got cutoff by his mother.

"I talked to Niall." Karen said. "I know what's going on."

This time Liam sighed heavilly.

"I think I'm... losing my mind, Mum." Liam said as he starts crying. "He hurt me so bad. He was my everything."

"God is your everything." Karen told him. "Don't you know he's a jealous god? He didn't want any man before him."

"I don't even know where to begin... I'm literally just starting to pick up the pieces of my life."

"I never ever dreamed I'd have any other children after your sisters. And then here you come sweet bundle of joy. But what did I do? I think I shielded you way too much. Now you got to get out there and try to stand on your own two feet."

"Oh, I don't know how I can do that. I'm not strong like you."

"Sure you are." Geoff told him. "You've got the strength God gave us to survive. You just haven't tapped into it yet."

Liam starts crying even harder.

"Come here. Come on." Karen says as she wraps her son into a tight hug." Come on now. Just let it go, my  baby boy. Nothing wrong with shedding a few tears. It cleanses the soul."

"You know, you need to stop thinking about what you think you lost and look forward to what there is to gain." Geoff told him. "It's a new life, son. It's right in front of you. All you got to do is reach out and grab it."

"How do I do that?" Liam asks quietly, as Zayn pops up in his mind, after their official date.

"How? By waking up every morning... and thanking God that you did. And then ask him to help you." Karen told him. "Just ask the savior to help you."

Liam nods his head.

⍟

 

October 1th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

       Every day I wake up, I take my parent's advice. Most days, I don't want to get out of bed, but I do. Some people say,  _"One day at a time."_ Seems too long for me. Most days, all I can do is moment to moment. The good thing about being this low, is that there's nowhere to go but up, and Zayn is helping me with that in ways that Niall can't. I think this is crazy, but I've been out with Zayn twice (one as an official date) and it was amazing! I think I feel something for him. Is that bad?

 

Sincerely,

A Lost and Confused Liam

 

 **P.S.** I will get back to you with the details on our official date. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Do You Think They Did On The Official Date?


	10. The First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Official Date

Liam nervously paced back and forth, going between his closet and the mirror, trying to decide if his hair looked good or if his outfit looked hot. He just wasn’t sure. Every time he looked at his hair a couple strands were out of place or it just looked all wrong and every time he looked in his closet there was a shirt or pair of pants that just seemed like they would look better on him. He had to look perfect, or at least as close as possible.

It was his first official date with Zayn after all. All Liam knew was that he was going with Zayn to the National Science and Media Museum at mid-day. Of course, Liam didn’t know what they were going to do at the museum yet, but he was willing to deal with it and step out of his comfort zone. Liam was too afraid Zayn would think it was a stupid idea to be nervous (not that Liam was sure how keeping the rest of the date a surprise would help him). Liam just thought that since Zayn was such a big fan of comics and such that he would like all the bells and whistles that came with it, going to a comic book store or something. Liam actually considered asking Zayn if they could go to a comic book store, but he decided against the idea. What if he didn’t like it? What if he didn’t have fun in a bookstore? Liam was starting to panic, but his train of thought was interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door.

“You ready to go, bud?” Niall asked as he knocked on the doorframe. “Zayn is almost here.”

“Do I look okay?” Liam blurted out.

Niall chuckled quietly, fondly looking back on his own dating days.

“Liam, I think as long as you show up, it won’t matter to Zayn what you’re wearing. He’ll think you look good anyway.” Niall said smiling at his friend.

“Yeah, okay.” Liam replied absentmindedly. He was still incredibly nervous, regardless of the assurances his Niall was trying to give him.

⍟

Meanwhile at the Malik household, Zayn couldn’t get his family to leave him alone. His mom and dad were fussing over him, Doniya wouldn’t stop squealing, and Waliyha wouldn’t stop giving him unsolicited advice. Come to think of it, Zayn realized Safaa had been the only one not suffocating him, and that’s only because she wasn’t home.

“Mum, would you pleeeeeease just leave my hair alone it looks fine!” Zayn exclaimed, exasperation seeping into his tone.

“Zayn, it’s your first date in a long time! Don’t you think you should be a little more nervous?” Tricia asked him.

“I am nervous Mum but I don’t know, I don’t think fussing over my appearance is going to help me be less nervous, considering I don’t even live here anymore.” Zayn shrugged as he grabbed his keys. “I’ll see you later.”

⍟

The doorbell rang and suddenly Liam was being herded to the front door by a happy Niall, not entirely against his will. He opened the door to see Zayn standing there, and Liam literally felt his breath being taken away. Liam wasn’t wearing anything out of the ordinary, just a nice button up and black pants but to Zayn, he looked like the most handsome guy on the planet. Zayn could barely stop himself from rolling his eyes at how cheesy this moment was becoming.

“Hey, Zayn.” Liam said shyly.

“Hey, Li!”

“Aww, this is too cute.” Came a loud voice from behind Liam, causing him to jump a bit.

 _‘That is it.’_ Liam thought. He stomped forward, grabbed Zayn by the arm and dragged him from Niall’s doorstop.

“You okay, Liam?” Zayn asked cautiously.

“Yeah I’m fine, really. It’s just…. Niall has just been suffocating me all morning and I _needed_ to get away from him, ASAP.” Liam replied, almost sounding tired. Zayn giggled softly.

“Yeah. I agree that Niall _is_ a little crazy sometimes, that’s for sure, but he means well. It’s part of why you love him so much, right?”

Liam smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. It just gets to be a bit too much sometimes, you know?” Liam said.

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Zayn said referring to his family, giving Liam a kiss on the hand. “Now let’s go.”

⍟

“Zayn, pleeeeease just tell me where we’re going.” Liam asked, exasperation evident in his tone. Zayn just squeezed Liam’s hand and grinned.

Suddenly, he called Niall.

“Niall, where is Zayn taking me?” Liam implored.

“Sorry bud, my lips are sealed.” Niall replied, chuckling quietly before hanging up the phone. Liam sunk back into the car seat, crossing his arms and settling into a not-so-subtle pout.

“You’re cute when you pout, you know that right?” Zayn commented, causing Liam’s cheeks to turn a deep shade of pink. He playfully shoved Liam.

“Shut up.” He mumbled, staying quiet for the rest of the ride.

⍟

“Hey Zayn, is this it?” Liam asked as the car came to a stop.

Zayn suddenly found his shoes to be incredibly interesting, studying them intently as he explained to Liam why they were there.

“Yeah. I just thought that since you like museums and stuff you might like seeing the art and stuff.” Zayn said, getting progressively quieter as he spoke. Liam threw his arms around Zayn, hugging him tightly.

“This is perfect! I’ve always wanted to go to the National Science and Media Museum!” Liam said excitedly.

“Really?” Zayn questioned, still not really sure if Liam was just being nice.

“Absolutely, Zayn. This was so thoughtful, I love it.” Liam said.

Zayn started grinning widely at Liam, happy that Liam had really liked his date idea.

Once inside, the spent the rest of the day running from one exhibit to the next, Liam hopping around excitedly like a small child. Zayn on the other hand, spent most the day watching Liam, paying attention to him like he was one of the artifacts in the museum.

 _‘How did I get so lucky?’_ Zayn thought. _‘Allah, I am falling this boy.’_

“Zayn, look at this!”

⍟

Almost an hour later, they were sitting at a small round table with a giant pizza. Liam took a tentative bite from a slice of pizza and was initially taken aback by the assault of flavors. He wasn't sure what kind of cheese the place was using, but it was strangely addicting. He could get used to this very quickly. He wondered if the city was filled with small places such as this. Tiny places that were sure to have violated the town's health code.

“Pretty good, huh?” Zayn asked with a huge grin as he watched Liam's look of mild amusement and satisfaction. He remembered seeing a similar expression on Doniya the first time he dragged her here.

“Not bad at all.” Liam happily answered before taking another bite.

“So, how long have you known Niall?” Zayn asked, handing Liam a napkin. “I only ask because he never mentioned you.”

“That bastard.” Liam joked. “I’ve known Niall for about 23 years at this point.”

“Ah, that’s a long time.”

“But you’ve known Niall long, right?”

“Yup. His parents and my parents went to school together, we lived next door when we were younger.... we're just... family.”

Liam smiled.

“So who’s your favorite superhero?” Zayn asked, causing Liam to smile.

⍟

It’s currently night time, and both men are at the movies, watching _Night of the Living Dead._

Liam is now dying of laughter as Ben and Harry are both arguing over the territories that they are staying in.

“These two seriously need two or three in the dome.” Zayn whispered as he is shaking his head.

“I agree, but their arguing is just too funny, especially since Helen is over him and his stupidity.”

Zayn simply smirks.

“I have to say, they should have killed the little girl, and then hide out in the basement.”

“True.”

“Would you shut the hell up?” An obnoxiously loud woman says.

“Why don’t you like Mariah Carey and _Get the Fuck Out_?!” Zayn snaps. “You don't own the theater! I paid my money just like everyone else, and you've been on your phone holding a conversation about your two dollar hair piece from the swap meet.”

The lady shuts up and Liam laughs out loud.

⍟

“Zayn, what do you think makes an eclipse so special?” Liam asks as they are sitting at a park, underneath the stars.

“Hmm...” Zayn starts. “I don’t know really. I do think that it’s interesting that we get to see the moon vanish from the sky.”

“That’s deep.”

“I think it’s cool that it disappears from the sky for a good while. It doesn't illuminate the world on its own.”

“Meaning?”

“You know when you are tanning and you feel the warmth on one side of your face?” Zayn asks Liam as he softly touches his cheek.

Liam nods and smiles.

“That same side is also being illuminated by the sun.”

“But that does that have to do with an eclipse?” Liam asks as he chuckles.

Zayn looks around for a moment.

“I'll be a second.” He says standing up and scurrying off for a moment.

Liam touches his cheek.

Less than fifteen seconds later, Zayn is back and he places three stones in a triangle in between them.

“Close your eyes, and give me your hand.”

Liam gives Zayn his hand.

“Keep your eyes closed and picture this as if you were a blind person.”

“Ok.”

“The sun.” Zayn says placing his hand on the middle stone that is near his knees.

“Sun.”

“The earth.” Zayn says placing his hand over the first rock that is closest to his left knee.

“Earth.”

“And the moon.” Zayn says as he places his hand on the third stone closest to his right knee.

“Moon.”

Zayn takes Liam’s hand and places it on the sun.

“The sun illuminates the earth, the moon, as well as your face.”

Liam chuckles.

“An eclipse happens when the three of then are perfectly aligned.” Zayn says as he takes his hand and places the rocks in a perfect line. “And the sunlight stops illuminating the moon.”

“Ok.”

“Since we only see what is illuminated, we can no longer see the moon. Since it's quick, the earth moves out if the way and we are able to see the moon again.” Zayn says placing the sun back towards his knees again.

“I think so.” Liam says as he opens his eyes.

“It's weird to explain this considering none of us being blind.” Zayn says laughing a bit. “It's seems so simple, yet it's a bit complex.” He finished as he lies on his back.

Liam picks up the sun and he simply holds it for a minute and smiles.

“Since you asked me about eclipses, what do you think the stars represent?”

“Well, somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us.”

Zayn started laughing.

“No you didn’t!” He said through his laughter.

“I take it you know that what I just said was from _The Lion King_?” Liam asked as he was trying not to laugh.

Zayn simply laughed harder, causing Liam to laugh as well.

⍟

At the end of the date, they sat outside of Niall’s house, just sitting and talking for the better part of three hours. Liam was still going on about all that they had seen inside the museum, dinner, the movie and the park when suddenly he turned to Zayn.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Liam said. “I’ve been talking all this time and-”

“It’s ok. I swear.”

Liam exhaled.

“What was your favorite part…thing…date?” Zayn asked, kind of stumbling over the words, but looking at Liam intently. Liam blushed. He hadn’t exactly been paying attention at Zayn at all that much, not when Zayn was there, for he was far more interesting than any exhibit the museum had to offer, but yet he gave an honest answer.

“You.” Liam said quietly after a moment. Now it was Zayn’s turn to blush.

“I hope you had a good time.” 

“I had a great time.” Liam replied softly, taking Zayn’s hand. Just at that moment, Niall pulled up and Liam quickly leaned in and kissed Zayn on the cheek. It really wasn’t a kiss so much as a peck on the lips like he wanted, but Zayn was sure that it had said everything he wanted it to.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Liam said running off to get in his friend's house, leaving Zayn to sit in his car, grinning as widely as his face would allow. Today was absolutely perfect Zayn thought contentedly to himself.

 

⍟

 

October 13th 2018

Dear diary,

  

       I had the best day with Zayn! You just don’t know. I felt like I was walking on air because he is so…… I can’t believe that this was just the first date. I mean, he was so great. He opened my door, pulled out my chair, complimented me when I wasn’t even expecting it, and most of all, he treated me like a real human being.

       I never knew that life outside of what I’ve ever known is great. I got to eat pizza, drank some wine, joked with Zayn about stars and such, and even kissed his cheek. I mean, I kissed his cheek! Why couldn’t I find Zayn a lot earlier than this? Oh well. I guess that’s why life is so unpredictable. I just hope that he sticks around for a long time. I can’t wait for the next date!!!!!

 

Sincerely,

  
A New Liam


	11. A Declalration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings 101!

December 13th 2018 

  

Dear diary,

 

      I have some random thoughts for you. Zayn and I have been out every night since Monroe's. That was almost three whole months. I keep waiting for him to change, to be this evil person, but it hasn't happened. I didn't know a man could be so thoughtful. It's like second nature.

 

Sincerely,

 

A Perplexed Liam

⍟ 

It’s currently night time, and both Liam and Zayn are eating dinner at Zayn’s dinner table. As Liam is eating, Zayn can’t help but to look at Liam.

"What?" A curious Liam asks him as he puts his fork down after he spots Zayn staring at him.

"I'm just sitting here trying to think of a way... to say this to you." Zayn says.

He takes a deep breath.

"I'm in love with you."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't know how to explain it to you." Zayn admits.

"Try." Liam says with a smile on his face.

Zayn nods as he takes a deep breath.

"Liam, if I'm away from you for more than an hour... I can't stop thinking about you. I carry you in my spirit." Zayn says. "I pray for you more than I pray for myself. I got it so bad for you, I'd go to the mall and I'd buy you underwear. I swear I would."

Liam laughs a bit after the underwear statement.

"See? And that. That. That smile. Liam, when you smile like that... my world... it's all right. I am in love with you."

⍟

December 13th 2018

 

Dear Diary,

 

      When did I get here? Somewhere, out of all the pain, came a man who is strong, beautiful (in every sense of the word, sensitive and imperfectly perfect. Last night was so amazing. Even though we both wanted to make love, he chose to give me something better. He gave me intimacy. I haven't felt this way in... well...never. You know, what's strange is that I thank Harry because if he hadn't been such a terrible man to me, I wouldn't know what a good one feels like.

 

Sincerely,

 

A Happy Liam Payne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry For The Long Wait, Guys! Work and School Has Been Killing Me For The Longest. I'll Post Another Chapter Up Soon To Make It Up To You!!


	12. Court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closure, Karma, and Something Extra

It's another day for Liam, and he is in court with Harry presiding in front of the judge.

"He can have it all." Liam tells the judge. "Even his last name."

Doniya is almost in total and complete shock by Liam's words (she had expected the last part though).

"Your Honor, may I have a moment to confer with my client?" Doniya asks, but Liam shakes his head.

"It's fine." Liam tells her. "It's fine."

Doniya backs down and Harry smiles with glee as he's happy to be free of Liam.

"Your Honor, let him have it all. Everything."

"Are you sure?" The judge asks.

"Yes, as long as he agrees to pay my attorney's fees and my parent's stay in the nursing home,  he can have it." Liam says, having no regrets.

"So ordered." The judge says.

"Thank you, Your Honor." Liam says.

Harry starts hugging his lawyer and Louis.

"Mr. Styles will retain ownership of all said properties solely, and no alimony is ordered. Mr. Styles will pay all Mr. Payne's attorney fees. Divorce will be granted upon the signature of both parties after thirty days. Adjourned." The judge says as he bangs his gavel before he leaves the courtroom.

"Do you have any idea what you just did?" Doniya asked Liam.

"Yes." Liam says.

Harry walks up to Liam and Doniya, smiling at Liam.

"Smart choice." Harry said to Liam as Louis kissed his cheek causing Doniya to roll her eyes at him.

"I can't wait to give you your reward later, babe." Louis says as he tries to get under Liam's skin, but Liam simply rolled his eyes.

"Damn, I wish I didn't have another case in five minutes." Harry said as he squeezed Louis' ass cheek.

"Thank you so much for seeing me through this, Doniya."

"Anytime." She says as she gives him a much needed hug.

⍟

"Will the defendant please rise?" The new judge says, causing Harry and Steve to stand. "Mr. Foreman, has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?"

"We have, your Honor." Mr. Foreman says.

"What say you?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant, Steve Jay Perry, guilty."

The people in the galley start to murmur and gasp.

"Quiet. Quiet. Quiet." The judge says as he bangs his gavel. "I'd like to thank the members of the jury for their duties. Take him away. Sentencing will be in three weeks. This court is adjourned." The judge says.

"Good looking out." Steve sneers as one of the bailiffs takes out his handcuffs. Before the bailiff can put the handcuffs on Steve, Steve maneuvers himself a bit, grabs the gun, and starts shooting the gun, with one of the bullets hitting Harry in the back.

"Somebody get an ambulance!" Louis says as Harry is gasping.

"Hurry!" Another says.

"We need an ambulance, please!"

"Will someone get some help?"

⍟

"Do you love me?"  
  
Liam blushed and looked away from Zayn.  
  
"None of that, babe." Zayn says as he gently turned Liam's face towards his. "Liam, my heart says that you do. Your actions say that you do. But you've never said it."  
  
Liam sighed as he held Zayn's hand.  
  
"The last man that I said--"  
  
"No, no, no, no. Please... don't make me pay for his mistakes. If you love me, just say it... and you trust me with that information... because I promise you I won't abuse it. But I need to hear it."  
  
"Yes... I love you." Liam said, and his heart started to beat even faster.  
  
Zayn smiled.  
  
"Now what?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
"That's it?"

"You just trust it. OK?"  
  
Liam nodded.  
  
"Any time you want to give in to that fear, you let our love outweigh it. Right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"OK." Zayn said, and Liam kissed him.

  
⍟

  
A couple hours later, Liam woke up from his nap. He went to the bathroom to wash his face and as he lifted his left hand to pat his hair down, he noticed a gold band on his ring finger.  
  
"Wha-"  
  
Liam rushed out of the bathroom.  
  
"Good evening" Zayn smiled.  
  
"Zayn, what's going--"  
  
"I know you don't believe in fairy tales." Zayn started. "But if you did, I'd want to be your knight in shining armor."  
  
Liam gave Zayn a blank stare with tears in his eyes.  
  
"You've been through so much, and I don't want to see you hurt anymore. Now, I know that this is way too soon and that I may not be able to give you all that you're used to. But I do know I can love you past your pain. I don't want you to worry about anything. You just wake up in the morning. That's all you have to do, and I'll take it from there. There's one condition. You have to be my husband."  
  
At this point, Liam's tears can't stop falling.  
  
"Say something."  
  
As Liam is about to give his answer, the news segment that his playing gets interrupted with breaking news.  
  
"What?" Liam asks in disbelief.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, my God." Liam says as he sees the news about Harry leaving the court room in a gurney.  
  
"What? What's wrong?"  
  
"I have to go." Liam says as he rushes to Zayn's room and grabs his things.  
  
"Go?" A confused Zayn asks. "Go where?"  
  
"I'm sorry." Liam says as he grabbed his keys from the coffee table.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"I have to go." Liam says as he left Zayn's house, leaving behind a confused Zayn.


	13. The Prognosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam's Feelings

"We removed two of the four bullets, but there's one that's very close to the spine." The nurse told Liam, Doniya and Louis. "There's a great possibility that he could be permanently paralyzed. Are you his husband?" The doctor asked Liam.

As Liam was about to answer, Louis spoke.

"I am soon to be." Louis said. "He won't be able to walk?"

"It's touch-and-go at this point. We're trying to stabilize him so we can perform this last surgery but this bullet is in a very difficult place. I need to know, if things go badly, should we resuscitate?"

"What do you mean, _"If things go bad"?_ "  Liam asked the nurse.

"I have to be honest with you. It doesn't look good in there. Should we resuscitate?"

"No." Louis said without any hesitation at all.

"Wait a minute." Liam said as Doniya glared at Louis.

"Excuse me?" Louis sassed.

"I'm sorry. These decisions are usually left to the spouse." The nurse said.

"No, no, no." Doniya said. "Legally, Liam is still his husband."

"Then you have to make the call." The nurse said, causing Louis to roll his eyes.

"You do everything you can for him." Liam told the nurse.

"Ok." The nurse said before walking away.

"You are so vindictive!" Louis said angrily. "What quality of life is that man gonna have if he can't walk?"

"Did you not hear her say _"possibility"_?"

"Why are you here?"

Liam snapped at the question Louis asked him, and was about to pounce on Louis when Doniya held him back.

"Liam, calm down." Doniya said.

"Why are you here?!"

Louis rolled his eyes and walked away from them.

"Let me go." Liam said as he calmed down after Louis left the waiting room.

"OK." Doniya said as she let go of Liam.

"I'm fine."  
  


⍟  
  


December 24th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

Tell me, why am I here? I know it's the Christian thing to do, but my flesh wants to beat the hell out of him. I want to hate him, but as I look at him, all I feel is sympathy.

 

Sincerely,

 

Liam  
 

⍟  
 

"Harry?" Liam said as Harry woke up a few hours later.

The door opened and a doctor came in the room.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"He came through pretty well." Dr. Shiloh told Liam. "He can't speak, but he can hear you."

"What about the paralysis?"

"Mr. Styles, it's Dr. Shiloh." The doctor told him as she pulled the sheet off of Harry's legs. "If you can feel this, I want you to blink your eyes."

Dr. Shiloh took out a pen and ran in up and down Harry's barefoot, but he didn't blink at all. He simply looked around before looking at Liam who was sitting next to him.

"Don't get discouraged. It's not as bad as we thought. He is breathing on his own. He's suffered a lot of scarring and swelling, around the nerves of the spine, but as the swelling goes down, it's possible that he will be able to regain some feeling. Don't give up." Dr. Shiloh told Liam.  
  


⍟  
 

December 25th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

As I sit here thinking about picking up the pieces of what used to be my life, I realized something. Every room in this house holds a painful memory for me. Even though he's suffering, something somewhere in me wants him to suffer more. A few months and a divorce can take you through just as many emotions as 18 years in a marriage. And I'm starting to feel all of them at once. But the one that is clear is **RAGE**.

 

Signed,

 

** A Mad White Man!!!!!! **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!!!!


	14. Payback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let The Games Begin.

"I don't see it." Liam says to Harry as he looks through the documents that are in his hand.

"You don't see it?" An annoyed Harry asks.

"No."

Harry snorts.

"You ain't good for nothing." He tells Liam who finally looks up at him. "Find my bank statement and get the accountant on the phone. Then call Kalvin and tell him to get over here, and you could leave. This is not gonna beat me."

Liam stares at Harry. Hard.

"What you starin' at?" Harry snapped and Liam shook his head.

"All of this, and you're still the same." Liam simply responded.

"I'm Harry Styles. I'm gonna die Harry Styles." Harry boasted.

Liam fought hard not to roll his eyes.

"Look, I don't even know why you're here. I ain't giving you a dime. Call Louis and get my kids. Where are my kids? Look, just get the hell out. I ask you to do one little thing... and you can't even do that after 18 years? Get out!"

Liam put the documents down on the desk, got up from the chair, and started to walk. As soon as he got to where Harry was, he stopped for a brief moment, and slapped Harry so hard that he turned pale.

"Wh-" A shocked Harry started, but Liam cut him off.

"Let me explain something to you." Liam told him in a low voice as he got in his soon to be ex-husband's face. "Old Liam is gone, and you will  _ **not**_  talk to me like that. Now, I came here to help you, but now, I'm gonna get even."

"Liam, you-"

"Shut the fuck up! You want Louis and  _your kids_?" Liam shouted in his face before standing up straight, grabbing a picture of Harry and Louis with their kids and pushing the picture in his face. "Do you see what you left me for? This is what you left me for!" Liam said as he crumbled the picture and shoved it in Harry's mouth. "He didn't give two fucks about you, Harry. He told them to let you die. I was your husband. I loved you. I never would have hurt you! Why did you do this to me? To us?" Liam asked him.

Harry stays silent.

"Answer me!"

Harry still stays silent.

"And you know what's funny? I gave you life, even though you took it from me." Liam said. He grabbed a toy bat and starting to hit his left hand softly with it. "Your kids...your boys..."

Liam started to hit Harry with the toy bat repeatedly.

"I wanted children, Harry!" Liam yelled as he finally decided to drop the bat. "And had you not been with those whores, we would have them. Got me all stressed out-- my hair falling out, my weight up and down... Can't keep anything down, four miscarriages! You took life from me and you never even said, " _I'm sorry_."

At this point, Liam thought that Harry forgot how to speak because not once did Harry say anything, and he was extremely happy about it.

"I'm gonna let you sit here for a few days, and think about what I've said." Liam said as he finally walked away from Harry and left him all alone in his wheelchair in the place that he used to call home.

⍟

February 9th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      Tell me, why did I wait so long to read Harry's bitch ass to filth? I guess I had to wait for life to get bad for me with this jackass. I've been helping him get better for the better part of two months, and I haven't even seen nor talked to Zayn in so long. Honestly though, I do love Zayn and I do want to be with him, but being the bigger person in this relationship between Harry and I, I sure do hope that Zayn'll understand my reasoning as to why I put out relationship on hold. 

 

Sincerely,

 

~~Liam Payne-Styles~~

The Future Mr. Liam Payne-Malik

 

 **PS:** I definitely would have said yes to Zayn's proposal.

 **PPS** **:** Payback is a delicious bitch. I can't wait to see what I come up with next because I’ve only _just_ begun.

⍟

A whole week later, Liam comes back into the house, and he holds his nose. He walks closer to Harry and the smell intensifies.

"You stink." Liam said as he tried to hold his breath. He stands behind Harry and pushed his chair towards the nearest bathroom.

"Liam, what you doing?" Harry asked him, but Liam ignored him. "Hey! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, stop!"

Liam pushed the wheelchair to the first step of the stairs leading to the bathtub, causing Harry to abruptly move out of the chair into the empty tub, clothes and all.

 _"Bathe him, feed him, clothe him,"_ they say." Liam said as he ran cold water into the tub before pouring soap into the tub. As the water was running, Liam took off his shoes and socks before stepping into the tub over Harry's body. "What about me?" Liam asked as turned off the water, pulled out a cigarette from the little area where Harry had his cigarettes and lit it before sitting on the edge of the tub. "What about me?"

Harry only shook as he made bubbles with his mouth.

"Oh, stop making those fucking bubbles!" Liam snapped before he took a long drag from the cigarette watching Harry cower in fear. Liam snorted before he pulled Harry from the water, facing him. He put out the cigarette using Harry's long hair as a stopper. "You kicked me out of our house! You tried to keep me from our money! No. I was there when all we had was each other."

And with that, Liam stepped out of the tub, dried his feet on Harry's favorite blazer that was hanging behind the door before grabbing his socks and shoes before leaving Harry alone in the bathroom.

⍟

About and hour and a half later, Liam moaned happily as he was eating while Harry was on the other end of the table, simply watching him.

"Liam." Harry cried as Liam was eating a delectable food of macaroni and cheese with mashed potatoes, steak and steamed vegetables.

Liam looked up and saw Harry watching him with his tears falling.

"Are you hungry?" Liam taunted with a smile on his face.

Harry simply nodded as his tears continued to fall from his eyes.

"Maybe you should go into the kitchen... and get yourself something to eat then." Liam said as he tried not to laugh at Harry's pathetic self.

"Christina." Harry tried to call out for the housekeeper.

"Christina?" Liam said in confusion. "Christina's gone."

Harry started to cry some more.

"Your little whore that you left me for, didn't leave any money to pay her, so she left, just like your little slut. He packed all his things - and some of yours - and left." Liam said before taking another bite of his food, moaning on purpose for added effect.

This time, Harry started to wail.

"Come to think of it, I found out that he cleaned out your bank account- all of it - just a couple days ago." Liam said through his laughter, mostly out of anger because the situation wasn't funny to him at all. It was just...ironic. "You tried to keep it from me, and he took it all. Lord have mercy."

As Harry continued to cry, Liam continued to eat.

"Harry, you are like so many men. You'd rather leave with trash... than make it work with a good one." Liam said in complete anger as he left about less than a quarter of food on his plate. "You're a fucking coward."

And with that, Liam stood up from his seat, pushed his plate, hard, to the other side of the table, causing it to fall and break before walking away from Harry, who simply cried even harder than before due to having no food or money.

⍟

February 16th 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

      This whole week has been something. I was about to meet with Zayn when I found out that Niall needed emergency surgery due to a driver who wasn’t paying attention to the road. I miss Zayn. Will he accept the Valentine’s gift I got him when we meet up tonight? 

 

Sincerely,

 

A drained Liam

 

 


	15. Heartbeat Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminiscing

Zayn is at the bar finishing off his drink, waiting for Liam to arrive.

"Here you go." The bartender says to Zayn as she hands him the bill.

"Thank you." Zayn tells her. He looks at the bill when the door opened.

Liam takes a deep breath as he sees when Zayn looks around the semi-empty bar before he looks at the bill and leaves a $20 bill.

"Hi." Zayn hears a few seconds later, and Zayn turns around.

It's Liam.

"I thought you were gonna stand me up." Zayn told him as Liam sits down next to Zayn.

"No." Liam says before he calls the bartender over. "Can I get a cranberry juice, please?"

The bartender nods before stepping away from them.

"Liam, I haven't heard from you in over two months. What's going on?" Zayn asks.

"I have a lot of things going on right now, Zayn, and I don't think I can complicate it."

"Complicate it? I'm a complication?"

"Thank you." Liam tells the bartender who's just come served him his drink. "My husband's back home. We're back together."

Zayn pales.

"Liam, don't you do this." Zayn states as he's shaking his head, remembering how broken Liam was when he was literally put out of that house. "Don't you dare do this at all. That man did everything in his power to try and break you, but you made it. You found strength and passion for life... You never had before. Why would you turn back? Why?"

Liam opened and closed his mouth a few times before turning away.

He can't answer Zayn..

"You can't answer me, can you?"

Honestly, Liam can't, so he still looks away from Zayn.

"Well, I know the answer, because I was just like you." Zayn told him and Liam turned and he almost looked at him. "Every single time things were going good, I would always find a way to mess it up. I would sabotage, just like you're doing. But, Liam, I learned that I do deserve to have good things and a good life. And I deserve you."

Liam still doesn't make eye contact with him.

"Liam, look at me." Zayn says. "Look at me."

Liam finally looks at Zayn with watery eyes.

"You're a good man, and you deserve me. You want out of that life. I know you do." Zayn softly said to him. "The only reason you're going back to it is because you are still afraid. I'm right here. Liam, I love you. But I need you to trust me."

Liam removed Zayn's hand from his face.

"I'm sorry, Zayn." Liam said, shaking his head.

Zayn softly scoffed and got up from the seat that he was sitting in.

"Don't." Liam said, placing a hand on Zayn's wrist. "Don't. Don't-"

"What?" An angry Zayn said as he pushed away Liam's hand. "What? 'Don't' what? 'Don't' what? What? What? What do you want from me? What? Am I supposed to say, "Let's be friends"? ls that what you want?"

"Yes." Liam said, knowing full and well that he did want more with Zayn.

Zayn scoffed once more.

"You don't get it, do you?" He asked Liam. "See, when you really love someone, you can't just be their friend."

"I don't want to lose you." Liam said quietly as he put his hand on Zayn's.

Zayn took Liam's hand off of his.

"And I don't want just half of you." Zayn said before leaving the bar. Liam sighed as he was now alone at the bar with Zayn's Valentine's Day gift.

⍟

February 27th 2018

 

Dear Diary,

 

        Zayn and I officially had our first fight as a couple, and I feel like complete shit, especially after listening to our song,  _Heartbeat Song,_  by Kelly Clarkson. Remember when I got home after dropping off my soon-to-be ex-husband’s lunch, and I saw this tan skinned man packing away boxes in a moving truck, only to be thrown out of that damn house because Harry was having an affair with Louis? Well, I felt like complete shit because I thought that I was.....nothing. Nothing because I didn't do much in life when I was married. I was just so....lost and that was not fun, but something great happened along the way on my own journey to greatness.

        Zayn.

        Zayn was just.... he is the best thing to ever happen to me. Sometimes I wonder where the hell did he come from because he's a different kind of fun from Harry. With Harry, I always felt to numb, but Zayn showed me that life can be so damn fun. There were moments where we would just go out on a whim to the movies and watched  _If Beale Street Could Talk_ , ate popcorn and just watched an amazing 2 hour movie. After the movie, we took a stroll around the park, and Zayn pushed me when I sat on one of the swings. That was so much fun and I had never done something like that when I was married.

        When I was with Zayn, I felt...safe and loved. My all-time favorite date with Zayn was when we went out to dinner and sang karaoke from one of my favorite movies in the last 10 years. Sure, we have good voices, but let’s be honest here, who succeeds in karaoke? Anyway, we sang a song called  _Me & You Against The World_, and danced along to the song, just to received a standing ovation, which thrilled me. After that, we went to his place and watched old episodes  _Yu-Gi-Oh!,_ and complained about Tea and those damn friendship speeches of hers. Four hours of classic  _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  just never got old, and as we were watching those classic episodes, we ended up talking about life and what we wanted out of it with each other.

       During that discussion, I told him the most important things that I want out of life. The first thing I mentioned to Zayn was that I wanted to be able to have kids and watch them grow up to be successful people. I wanted to have loving days and quiet nights with the one that I love. Another thing that was important to me was that I wanted to be able to run my own business because I always felt comfortable with the idea of cooking exquisite cuisines when I worked in my cousin’s restaurant. Last but not least, I wanted to be in love with somebody who loves me just as much as I was in love with them. Not feigned love or anything like that, but true love. At the end of that discussion, I learned that Zayn wanted to share his life with someone who love him for simply being him, someone who would respect his family, love for kids, travel the world and learn about the many different cultures and die old with someone that he loves.

       You know what’s funny? When Harry put me out of that house, that hurt me in ways that I never thought was possible. When I ignored Zayn and expected him to understand my current situation, and he told me  ~~certain~~  several things that I needed to hear before he left me in that bar tonight thought? That pain was a lot worse than what Harry did to me, but I have to be honest. I deserved when Zayn walked out on me. When Harry left me, I thought that I was going to die. It felt like the end of the damn world, but when Zayn came along, life changed for the better. Every time I’m not around Zayn, it’s like I can’t breathe without him. Every night I sleep, I see him in my dreams, and those are the best dreams that I have about him. The best part about being with Zayn though? Whenever I close my eyes, I literally see his face everywhere. When I lick my lips, I swear that I can taste his smile. My heart beats faster whenever I see his beautiful face, but most of all, if I can’t read his thoughts, then I feel empty.

       All I know is that I need time for fix my shit in order for me to earn Zayn back. I don’t care how long it’ll take or how I’ll do it, but I will earn him back. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’ll be damned if I let that go, no matter what I’m doing in life for Harry. Yes, Harry is an important part of my life, but he doesn’t complete me anymore or make me feel like a person. Zayn is that person. Zayn is my everything, and I cannot wait to get him back. Love is so damn crazy, but what can we do?

 

Signed,

 

A perplexed Liam.

 


	16. Invincible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting Stronger Each And Every Day.

March 2nd 2019

 

Dear Diary,

 

       I have to admit something serious to myself. When I was piecing my life together when Harry removed me from that house, I had been broken, crying a lot and very lost. Sure, Niall was there every step of the way when I needed someone, but I was just so....lonely. If I were able to collect all the tears that I'd shed, chances are I could end a drought with all the tears that I cried. I had been used to taking care of Harry, but on the same token, I neglected to take care of myself. Looking back at it now, it wasn't a good idea to build someone up who didn't care about me at all.

       You know what's funny though? I had lost all hope when I had to face the reality of being able to take care of myself, and that was hard. Literally. Being at the lowest of my low at that point in time nearly a year ago was a challenge, but then something great happened. I was able to prove that I am stronger than I think I am. What's even better, was the fact that Zayn came into my life. Is it wrong that when Zayn came along, the dots in my life started to connect?

       Anyway, when I felt like the world was beating down on me, I thought that life was over. The thing about my feelings at that time? They were completely invalid! I was able to prove that I am so much stronger than I think I am. I was able to get help from my parents because they were able to show me that nothing will stay the same forever. Niall taught me to live life by having a say in what I want instead of being passive. Zayn.....He taught me a lot, but the three things that he taught me is so wonderful.

       Zayn taught me that even though I was hurt by Harry, I shouldn't be afraid to let someone into my life. From that piece of advice, I learned that I shouldn't let bad experiences in my life ruin my chance at happiness, which opened my eyes to love and falling for him. My love also taught me that being strong means choosing yourself even when people don’t choose you. To me, I think that it means choosing to be true to yourself even when it hurts. It’s choosing short-term sadness over long-term misery. It means losing something small to gain something bigger. It means choosing self-love without needing anyone’s validation. Last but not least, the best lesson that I learned from Zayn was that being strong is knowing that you’ll have moments of weakness and fear but it won’t stop you from going on. It won’t stop you from jumping when you’re afraid of falling. It won’t stop you from taking a leap of faith when the odds are against you. As soon as I learned that lesson, I was ready to be free in more ways than one.

       Call me crazy, but life with Zayn has made me feel incredibly invincible. To me, feeling invincible is about being in control, which is something I've never really had for nearly two decades. For me, having control over what I can say and what I can do is the best thing that I have in life right now. I've learned that when you dictate how you want your life to unfold, you’re placing everything in your hands. Of course, not everything can be shaped to your will; but at least now, instead of just conforming to other people's tastes, I hold my own. Now what could feel more invincible than that?

       Now, I am able to say that I'm a shooting star, and I am an eternal flame because I refuse to be a doormat now. I came so far from the life that I knew, and I have to say, life now is so much better now. I don't have to cry from the pain that Harry has caused me for such a long time. Owner of a lonely heart is a title that I gave away after I started to get myself together. I wonder if I could stem that up to courage? Well, I guess choosing to act on things has made me a lot stronger in life. Following my heart has been tricky at times like when I was with Harry, but before him, that was easy. After being with him in a relationship, it was either-or, but it feels good to be able to trust my instincts. Expending my horizons has been a thrill since I'm now doing what I've wanting to do to Harry, but more than that, I'm making my own dreams come true. Lastly, persevering in life is so cool because I get to prove to myself that I will go above and beyond to get what I need in life.

        I have to admit though, when I had slapped Harry across the face and cussed him out, it felt good. You just don't know how that felt in that moment, but I think you can take a guess. Anyway, when his little side piece went with his money, I was reminded that without money, he's a useless son of a bitch. I can't believe that I would cater to him for so long in out marriage, but when our relationship changed, I realized something. I realized that I had been running from the life that Harry despised, which is ironic because we both live in it now. We abandoned people in our lives because of money. I had also been running from an empty threat that didn't exist, but I guess that's life. Running from the unknown aspects in life seems cool, and the problem with that is that the unexpected always happens in life.

       For me, being invincible is embracing the good things in life and being the best that you can be. Now, I walk a little bit taller than I usually did. before, I would keep my head down and just keep to myself when Harry was in the picture. Being with Zayn makes me feel confident and I love it. When I am happy, I feel like good. I feel like nothing can break me, harm me or take away my happiness, which is something I'm working hard at. Whenever I feel down or feel lonely, I just remember to think happy thoughts and allow them to seep through me.

       The two biggest things that make me feel invincible though? The first is allowing others to compliment me and facing my fears. When Zayn would compliment me, I had a hard time accepting them for some odd reason. Maybe I felt that way because I never got complimented by Harry or maybe I never thought that I was worthy of them. I don't know why that is, but I have come to learn something about compliments. With compliments, it doesn’t hurt to have someone appreciate what you’re doing at all. Earning a praise here and there helps me overcome that little bud of insecurity that I've had inside of me.

       The second is facing my fears. I said before, I was running from an empty threat that didn't exist. That's really sad, but I guess that's life. Running from the unknown aspects in life seems cool, and the problem with that is that the unexpected always happens in life. I hate that I was a coward, but given the life that i loved for almost two decades, it happens. I had to learn how to can change the way I feel about things. I needed to think about other things by focusing my energies elsewhere and just be reactive.

        Overall, I think that when I say that I am invincible, I feel like I am no longer scared of anything at all. I just feel that I am brave enough to take on whatever comes my way. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I allowed myself to run from life like that, but I learn to grow up from that and evolve as I entered the next step in my life. Hiding from the world was.....that really did hurt me in ways that I didn't think about for the longest time. I guess when I should have left Harry when the marriage started to go bad, I was so afraid of what would happen in life. Unsure of what I could do with my life and how to go about it. Now that I'm a  _"perfect storm"_  after being with Harry, being invincible is pretty damn amazing!  

 

Sincerely,

 

The Invincible Liam Payne


	17. Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving On

Liam is currently in the living room, reading _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_ when he hears a bell ringing from the kitchen. He rolls his eyes, and got up from the couch and went to the kitchen.

"What do you need now, you bell-ringing, douche face?" Liam asked.

"I want a cracker." Harry said as he was sitting at the table.

Liam went to the pantry, took out a box of crackers and placed the whole thing in front of him before leaving the kitchen.

Just as Liam sat back down on the couch, Harry rang the bell once more.

"This fucker."An annoyed Liam said to himself.

He walks back into the kitchen.

"I need something to wash it down with."

Liam gets a can of soda and throws it towards Harry.

"A twist of lemon would be nice."

Liam went to the fridge, pulled out a lemon and put the whole lemon on top of the can.

"Call me one more time while I'm trying to decide on what to cook. You'll see what'll happen." Liam warned before leaving the kitchen.

 Five minutes later, Harry rang his bell.

"That does it."

Liam  closed his book, went to kitchen and grabbed a pair of scissors.

"Wha-"

Liam grabbed some of Harry's long locks and started to cut.

"No!"

"Oh, yes!" Liam said as he continued to cut Harry's hair unevenly. "You're lucky I'm not stabbing your frog looking ass!"

By the end, Harry's hair looked like a lawn mower went through it, and Liam wasn't satisfied yet, so he took a picture and posted them on his social media accounts.

"Looks good, don't you agree?" He said as he showed the pitcure on his Instagram account.

"My hair!" Harry cried.

"Oh the fuck well!" Liam snapped. "I'm going to grab burger and fries, while you can stay here and fucking starve for all I care."

And with that, Liam left the kitchen, went to one of the spare rooms to grab his wallet, phone and diary, and left Harry alone in the house.

⍟

 

March 22nd 2018

 

Dear diary,

 

        I was driving and making my way around a lit up town after I ate and a question randomly popped up in my mind. How the hell does one apologize for saying all the shitty things for things that they don't really mean? Like, I really want to know because I'm stuck with that predicament. Jeez, I really don't know that I was thinking doing that to Zayn.

        Ugh, apologizes.

        Are you the one that apologizes too much or do you receive them? Well, if you're me, then I'm pretty sure that you've been apologizing way too much in life and I have to say, I'm tired of doing it. I've apologized to Harry for unnecessary things, and now I'm apologizing to Zayn for my actions towards him after he spilled his heart out to me. To tell you the truth though, having to fight for Zayn's forgiveness is a great challenge. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm happy he hasn't forgiven me right off the bat because of my actions for a good two months. I Declined calls, unanswered text, you name it.

        I really am the worst, aren't I?

        Well, here are a couple apologies monologues that I enjoyed in my lifetime. The first one is called _Sorry_ , reenacted by Jo and Carl Bradmore from the movie _For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf_.

 **~** **♥** **~**

_"My last husband, I had a detective follow him, and even though l didn't do that with you, l know l ignored everything in me to be with you."_

_"Baby, why don't you just tell me what the hell you're talking about?"_

_"l went to my gynecologist, and before you, every level in my body was fine."_

_Baby, are you sick? Talk to me."_

_Tell me the truth, Carl. Who have you been sleeping with?"_

_"Jo, l promise you since... Since you and l have been together, l have not slept with another woman, and l promise you that._

_"What about a man?"_

_"What the fuck did you just ask me?"_

_"l see the way you look at them when you think l'm not paying attention. l see it. The pool boy in the Hamptons, my driver, the guy the other night at the opera. l see it all, Carl."_

_"You have no idea how much l hate coming up into this motherfucking house sometimes. Every day, Joanna, if it ain't you telling me what to wear, how to look, calling the shots over my head."_

_"Are you gay?"_

_"How you gonna ask me a question like that?"_

_"How did you marry a woman, and then turn around and let a man bend you over?"_

_"Ain't nobody bending me over."_

_Oh, So- so you doing the bending?! ls that what it is?"_

_"l don't wake up holding another man, walking down the street holding some man's hands. That's gay, okay? That ain't me."_

_"You're saying a lie, Carl. You're saying a lot without saying nothing at all."_

_"l'm saying that your husband is a man, Jo. l'm a man every day of the week. l'm a man. l'm just a man who enjoys having sex with another man, Jo. No attachments, no fucking... No relationship, just sex, you know? That's what l'm saying, and l'm sorry. l'm sorry, Jo, for my truth."_

_"Save your sorry. One thing l don't need are any more apologies. l got sorry greeting me at the front door. You can keep yours. l don't know what to do with them. l can't even... l gotta throw some away. l can't even get to the clothes in my closet for all the sorries. You know what? l'm gonna put a sign. A sign on the door - Better yet, l'm gonna leave a voicemail. A message on my voicemail 'lf you called to say you're sorry, then call somebody else, 'cause l don't use them anymore'. l let... l let 'l'm sorry, l didn't mean to' and 'how could l know about that?' Take a walk down a dark and musty street in Brooklyn, Carl. Well, l'm gonna do exactly what l want, and l'm not gonna be sorry for none of it. Let sorry soothe your soul. l'll soothe mine. You know, you were always being inconsistent. Doing things and then saying you're sorry about it. Beating my heart to death, talking about your sorry. Yeah, well, l'm not gonna call you, l'm not gonna be nice, l'm gonna raise my voice, l'm gonna yell, l'm gonna scream, l'm gonna break things, l'm gonna race the engine and tell all your secrets about you to your face and l'm not gonna be sorry for none of it. l loved you on purpose. l was open on purpose. l'm not even sorry about you being sorry. You can take all your guilt and all your grime and do whatever you want with it. Just don't give it to me. l can't use another sorry. Next time, Carl, admit it. Admit that you're mean. Admit that you're mean. That you're low-down, down-low, trifling. And no count straight out. lnstead of being sorry, enjoy being yourself. When l get back, l want you gone and take your HlV with you."_

**~** **♥** **~**

        Damn, that was intense, but I loved it! It contained all the levels of emotion, pain and most of all, honesty. Here's the other one, called "I'm Sorry" also from _For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf._

 **~** **♥** **~**

_"We all have "l'm sorry" stories, don't we?"_

_"Get this. Just last week, my ex old man comes in saying 'Baby, l don't know how she got your number, l'm sorry'."_

_"No, no, this is it. 'Baby, you know l was high 'l'm sorry'."_

_"'l'm only human. Our inadequacies are what make us human. lf we were perfect, we wouldn't have nothing to strive for. So, you might as well go on and forgive me 'cause l'm sorry'."_

_"This one is it. 'l do you like l do you  'cause l thought you could take it. No? l'm sorry'."_

_"'Now l know you know l love you, but l ain't gonna love you the way you want me to love you 'l'm sorry'."_

_"'Shut up, bitch. 'l told you l was sorry".'_

**~** **♥** **~**

        See? There are many variations to saying _"Sorry"_ but I think that it isn't how you say. It's what you say. To me, the last _"Sorry"_ lines that I just gave you ~~could be~~ is a reflection of a bad relationship that is now defunct. If I were currently in that position.... Scratch that. Here's what I have to say to Harry.

        Fuck you, fuck your so called precious family, fuck your stupid scarves, fuck your hairstyle, fuck your frog looking face, fuck your bougie ass suits, fuck your bougie ass shoes, fuck your bougie car, fuck your dumb ass parents, fuck your grandparents, fuck your dumb ass siblings, and fuck your so-called family business! I found someone better who treats me like I am the damn world, and I am able to give him that too. I hope you shape up and treat the next person that comes into your life with respect.

        Thank you for showing me that I can do a lot better than you. I am forever grateful for that. I am in a very respectful and loving relationship, so being with you….I just enjoy my sense of freedom. I hope you find a place to say that you actually find and love someone with all of your heart. We could never go back to who and where we were, and I am over the moon because of that. We can't undo what's done, and frankly I couldn’t live life like that again. A place to rest your head, I hope you find one because no one wants to be alone or lonely (even though you’d deserve it, big time). I forgive, as you forget too much, but seriously, would you call our past love? I think not.

        I will definitely say a little bit…. Ok a lot more later on, but I think I’ll leave it at that.

        For now at least.

 

Sincerely,

 

Apology Thinking Liam


	18. Take You High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love And Such

April 30th 2019

Dear Diary,

 

      What do you think about love? Geez, I'm asking a book this question, but whatever. Honestly though, if someone were to ask me what I think about love, I wouldn't know how to give a simple answer. As it is, love is not an easy thing, but being in love is great. I know, you're probably wondering how I know that being in love is great, but believe it or now, Harry did treat me like a person at one time when he had no money at all. Let me tell you the best memory that I have of Harry when we were together.

      One of the sweetest things that he did for me was surprising me. He spent the day at home and cooked dinner for me after an extremely long day at work. The meal? He made chicken Parmesan with bread on the side for the main course and for dessert, he made key lime pie. We simply ate dinner and watched The Cheetah Girls. When the movie was almost done, he proposed to me. He first gave me a box filled with marshmallows and asked me if I would say yes to a box of marshmallows as a token of love and affection. I did. After that, he gave me a box and said "If you can say yes to my token of affection, will you say yes to my proposal?" Obviously, I had said yes and we went to bed and got busy.

      Things however, went down a few weeks later when Harry made it as a huge lawyer. A few months later, he started to make lots of money and forced me to quit my job at my cousin's restaurant. When he was making money, he was still a human being who cared for me. Now, as I said before, Harry wasn't good in bed, but I did get pregnant. When I told him, he was happy and over the moon. He took me shopping for all the things that we needed for our baby, and that was a ton of fun. Things changed with him however, when I had miscarried the baby. I was so sad when I lost our baby, but Harry on the other hand was pissed at me for losing our baby. Like, come on. Things happen for a reason and God has the final say as to what happens in life, but Harry doesn't care for that. He said that it was my fault for losing our baby and he started treating me like crap.

      Thinking and looking back at it now, I know that I should have left, but what was I to do? I didn't know how to function without him. He was like the best thing that happened to me at that moment in time. Stupid me. I can't believe that I thought Harry would heal with me, when in reality, he healed without me. I can't believe that I was stupid for believing that. Not only did I miscarried once, but I miscarried a total of four times. The depression that I went through was so bad, because I gained weight, lost weight, got stressed out from Harry cheating on me constantly, to being abused. It got to the point where I was so stressed and tired that the doctor told me that I probably can't carry kids which is disheartening to me. It's so disheartening because I love kids and that is something that I'll never experience from my own body, but at least there are other ways to become a parent. Looking at it now,  ~~I guess~~  it is a blessing in disguise because I'm in a better place in life. I'm working again, I am in contact with my family, and most of all, life is so great. When I look at my life now, it's a lot better than what I was in before. It's very good because I've evolved in ways that I didn't expect.

      So, back to the question that I had asked about love. Now if you were to ask me about love? My belief is that when you're in love, it's easy to get distracted by life's demands, and this is something that can really take a toll on relationships. Quality time is very important to most people. For me, quality time is much more than just being in the same room together. Quality time involves deeply connecting, having fun, and engaging emotionally with each other. I have also learned that there is nothing more important than an encouraging and uplifting partner. There is already so much negativity in the world that doesn't need to be apart of a relationship. Instead of being a douche, I thinking it's important to be in a encouraging presence. The same way that Zayn helped me by building my personality now, I've helped him build up his confidence. I've learned that one should focus on their partner’s strengths and help them when they are struggling. Encourage them to be the best person they can be.

      For me, being in love again, I am beginning to understand that being loved is not only a privilege, it is both unique and an honor. There are people out there that have a belief of confidence and strength is coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else. Does emotional stability count as well? I mean, before Zayn, I was a total, complete fucking mess. I would always bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when my relationship with Harry suffered. I am so happy that we are not married anymore.  
  
      When I'm with Zayn, I can't help but feel like I have self-worth. Now, I haven't been with him for like 20 years like I was with Harry, but it's been nearly a year with Zayn and that's longer than most couples nowadays if you sit and think about it. Sure, our meeting wasn't the best, but we've come a long way. We became cordial when he picked me up from the bus stop. Ok, maybe after I threw my drink at him, but whatever. He told me part of his experience with love when we danced at Monroe's when I was doubting him. I know his favorite color and his favorite food. Our first kiss took place when we were at the theater and we had just watched _Spider-Man: Into the Verse_. I don't even know what made us do that in public, but it felt right. He taught me how to draw and he always talk about things that are somewhat crazy or things that I don't understand, but all that I understand is that Zayn is the one that I sit and think about at night. When I'm with him, I am extremely happy to be alive because he's helped me believe that I can do anything.   
  
     Because of love, I know Zayn better. It’s because of love that we’re together and he has my heart and I doubt that we’ll ever part. I think that's all I can say about being in love. For me, love takes you high and I think that is a very good thing. For me and my situation, Zayn's love makes me better because he's here. I know many people won't believe that, but that is just my experience and nobody can take that away from me. Love is so....wonderful when you get to experience it. Although it's funny that one never knows where love can take you, it's great that you fall into all aspects of love when you find it. So for all of the people who doubt love, I say to just give it a chance, and to find love while your heart would take over from your head. Your heart is never wrong.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

A Love-High Liam

 


	19. Piece By Piece - P.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toxicity

May 24th 2019

 

Dear Diary,

 

      I had a chat with Zayn today, and while it wasn't like how our conversations normally were before, it was still nice to hear from him.  I also had a chat with Niall which made me think a little. Niall asked me a very important question over the phone today when I was cooking for Harry and I. The question he asked me made me think about something just now, and I have to say, it really rocked my world. Niall asked me "If you relationship with Harry was toxic, and the relationship you have with Zayn is wonderful, what the hell are you doing with yourself?" I have to say, when he asked me that question, I didn't have an answer to give him in that moment. Now, that he I've thought about it, I think I have an answer that I hate to admit. I confess that I accepted the love that I thought I deserved from Harry.

      Harry and I were toxic after the first miscarriage and you know what? Life started to get worst for me, piece by painful piece. I already specified most of the things that happened before, but I have to admit, staying in that toxic space was horrible. You know how many things I lost as a married man? Buckle up because I have things that I gave up. Please, help me get through this.

 

 **Time** \- That was one of the biggest things that I lost. I literally wasted my precious hours with someone who's bad for me. It's so sad because thinking about it now, I really should have left. I could have spent that time meeting someone amazing in which eventually did happen eventually under circumstances I never dreamed. Time is the biggest sacrifice we all make in any unhealthy relationship, and I am a victim of that. Where was my guide to help me with that?

 **Holidays with my family and friends** \- Boy did I suffer from alienation, and carried the weight of my relationship on my one. Some people have told me that when you're in a serious relationship, especially with the wrong person, you may find you are missing out on some events that are otherwise important to you, in an effort to cater to someone else's wants and needs. Turn out, that was so true. I only got to spend time with Harry and his family while my family celebrated without me. That really did hurt me because spending time with my family before marriage really made me happy.

 **Good Sex** \- So, remember when Niall asked me how was the sex? Ugh, I can't say that I look back on it with any fond memories. For one, he couldn't stay hard for more than five whole minutes, and if he did, he'd finish within one minute. Yes, you heard me correctly. One Minute. Like, it was so bad that - You don't understand. Harry just has no rhythm. At all. It was a really weird set of thrusts. So I thought fuck it, I’ll take control and started riding him. To which he continued the weird, uncoordinated and non-rhythmic thrusts. He rubbed his dick between my butt cheeks until he came, not realizing he wasn’t actually in me. Pathetic, right?

 **PEACE OF MIND** \- Like I mentioned to Harry before, he had me all stressed out. It was so bad to the point where I thought that I was going to die. My hair kept falling out, my weight kept going up and down, I couldn't keep anything down, and I had four miscarriages. You know what that does to a person? Ever since the day I rebuilt my life, I can now put my hair in a quiff, I can eat a decent meal and work out to keep my weight constant, and as for having kids, I think it'll be best to adopt at this point as my body rejects the idea of having kids. Ever since I've moved on with my life, my peace of mind is a lot safer, calmer and clear.

 **LOVE** \- I gave so much of my own love that I forgot to love myself. I also forgot to keep myself around the people who love me, and that hurt. Love isn’t free by any circumstances in my opinion. Love is something that has to be earned, which is something I think that Harry never knew how to do.  

 

 

      You know what though? Thinking about what Harry did to me makes me think about how he left my heart in pieces in the grass. The holes that he left in me for 18 years did scar me, but I got to learn from it. Heartbreak was a lesson that I had to learn, and it was a tough one that I ended up surviving. I find it embarrassing that I begged Harry to keep me when he didn’t even want me, but in the long run, I am happy that I got to write another chapter in my book.

      In the end, I have learned that sometimes an unhappy marriage is salvageable and sometimes it is not. Mine wasn't salvageable and that is okay because I have learned a lot from it. Sometimes broken marriages come together again, but I don't know anyone who's had a marriage thrive. I've heard that some people know a number of couples who married each other twice, and one couple who tried a third time. I think that's crazy, but hey, to each their own. To me, when a relationship is finally broken, (which happens often in our society) people continue on in their own lives. How happy each person will be depends on the emotional resources each individual has. The situation is not much different from that of widows and widowers. How well they do depends on how willing they are to do new things and meet new people. They have to be prepared to change in some ways. Whether that is possible will depend on their willingness to change.

      You know something? I'm happy that got to reflect on that situation because I came out of it alive. I became stronger and better than before. It's pathetic to know that looking back at it, I really believed that staying in a relationship was good for me solely because I accepted the love I thought that I deserved. Love is a privilege and people can make as much of it as they want. I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve explained enough for today about being broken piece by piece because that was all emotionally….. heavy and too draining to think about.

 

Sincerely,

 

A drained yet thoughtful Liam


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